Mr & Mrs Smith

I wanted to write a little bit about us wrapping up year 4 with Lexi in case it takes me a little bit longer to catch up once the baby comes... Lexi had her 5 year doc apt already so that she could finalize her shots for school. We submitted the registration paperwork and now just wait for orientation mid-April. She will do great; I know she'll thrive and it's really only 3 hours so I think it'll be perfect. She is doing great with sight words and trying to sound things out to read. There are still some struggle sounds like "r" that she says the "w" sound for, but I know she'll get there quick enough. The rules of English are horrible but she is great with repetition. Although when it comes to her online pre-k program, she really just gets through the reading & math so that she can play the games. Learning through play is a good thing.  I'm excited to see her learn & grow even more. I'm mostly excited for her to be around mor...

Our last lesson in Sunday School in 2017 surrounded the concept of mental illness in the context of how, as parents, do we handle this issue in our families. Most seem to agree that mental illness has gotten more prevelant over the years & connect that to the effects of technology, which was the topic of the last 5th Sunday lesson. I didn't have any strong thoughts to share then, but as I pondered it a bit more, I feel like I do have something to offer parents of teenagers, and I think in turn I have to take those suggestions and apply them now with even my littles. Wherever we are in life, there is a roll you can play to be an influence for good. Understanding mental illness is good for everyone, and learning how to assist where possible is essential too. 1. Parents need to be more open. Not about everything, but I remember wanting to feel like an adult in the sense that my thoughts or feelings were trusted & valued. There are things parents can do to widen the door ...

I have the worst memory, otherwise you'd think I'd know my baby stuff by now. I know to ask more questions than just assume stranger doc knows best, but two kids and no Mr Smith easily has me flustered. It was supposed to be a quick first apt. Just tell me there is a heartbeat. It's the best part, right? Well, I didn't expect to have to deal with a cervix / internal uterus check with two kids today. It completely flustered me more as she walked out of the room matter of factly. Why didn't I just say no, I don't think that's necessary? Because I didn't want to tick a doctor off today? She already ticked me off when she wouldn't believe me when I said I was 12 weeks pregnant, not 14 weeks. I tried explaining that my periods were 40 days apart and I actually tracked this one, "we'll see" at the 20 week apt, but what I should have said was "you mean 18 weeks?". I'm ready to switch offices, at least physicians. The other d...

God knows us. I have a very real testimony of this. He loves us. I know this like I know the sun rises in the morning. This love allows him to hear the prayers, the small ones we imperfectly say to our minds as our heads hit the pillow AND the ones with tears that stream down in our car when every ounce of our existence feels defeated.  I remember those times in the beginning where I felt the comfortable life was too good to be true. I just knew something else would be coming that I needed to be prepared for. Life wasn't going to go according to my ideal plan. And that time surely came. I'd like to say I was emotionally and mentally prepared for it, but certainly that has been His goal, to make me stronger. I did not think I would repeat this opportunity multiple times, but that's where the faith really grows. I have not been alone in this journey of uncertainty. I honestly couldn't imagine time stopping in that first phase. I think of all the relationships that ...

I haven't had the desire to blog. I'm not sure if it's my attitude, exhaustion, lack of things to say or too much that's full of negativity or things I shouldn't say. Mr Smith has quit his job and his 3 week notice came and went. He has prospects, but for me, waiting one day seems like years. I'm grateful that his joy is back, we're happier & there is still hope. However, we don't intend on staying when at one point we thought we might. Nothing is keeping us here and perhaps it's just time to move on. I just can't see the future and that's hard for me. It's hard for me to give up control and wait. I think my ability to forgive & let go should be greater. And I think my faith should be stronger. I'm disappointed in myself and perhaps just exhausted from work & the kids. This is a HARD age with Dallin not communicating still (outside of pointing with grunts), yet getting into everything. He got a viral infection that ...

Updates on my children are the only reason I seem to blog these days. It's so hard to sit down at the computer un-accosted let alone with enough energy to really express what goes through my mind in a day or week. I hate that I don't make time for it anymore. Even now, I have a tyrant 3 year old repeating "I want to do what I want to do." Seriously, children give you the best perspective ourselves because I know Heavenly Father has heard all this from me too.  I get so frustrated as a parent trying to be patient and teach "basic" principles that sum up to how to teach your children to be kind people and it's excruciating at times. And I'm not going to lie, both of us have said "because I said so" at some point in time. Just listen you freakin insolent child or you'll die or at least suffer a very painful life. So yeah. Obey or die. I'm trying not to mirror the bipolar behavior, but my gosh controlling emotions, i.e. using our w...

There was a time when Dallin was sleeping better (maybe only waking up once or so) and we weren't being disturbed by Lexi at night either and during the day Lexi was being so much nicer to Dallin and being a big helper and LISTENING. It lasted for a couple of days. I was in the clouds. It's funny how you think "maybe I got this" and then your children slap you in the face. Turns out, I'm still impatient and have a temper. All it takes is for Lexi to ruin another chapstick of mine after I have told her 100 billion times not to touch MY diaper bag or MY bedside table. Sometimes I can let things go, but wastefulness... it slays me. There was also that time when I told her not to press any other buttons on the Kindle (before I knew about parental controls) and she bought $22 worth of Sid the Science Kid or she almost did . I freaked out before I knew the facts. I ran in and took it away (they sent me an email) so SHE FREAKED and boy were we a hot mess. I had ...

Time creeped by and then he came into our lives and BAM, we're already 10 days in.  We entered survival mode during this adjustment period. As lovely as holding a newborn is, the first two weeks really are rough.  We are getting better with feeds and are still trusting his body to breathe when we have those choke moments. Otherwise, nursing has finally calmed down as far as being engorged goes. I just have to keep an eye on clogged ducts. I'm excited to get to the time when night feeds don't last an hour and latching doesn't take much thought. I don't have any expectations until around a month though. That one magic day where nursing is no longer a struggle with floppy neck and hands and they just get it. He is still an easy baby in the fact that he doesn't have a loud cry, just enough to tell you he is hungry. He does well in the swing and the car seat. He seems pretty chill once fed.  As far as some sort of schedule goes, while he is awake in the day, we ...

I'm beginning to think the post hit count on blogger is a little off. I typically don't pay attention because it's always somewhere around say - 20 - for my average life posts. But just under 200 read what I deemed my most boring post as of yet, the cost of diapers. For one reason or another, it's good to know others care. I have kept my blog mostly focused on Alexis and the pregnancy for the last few months. Admittedly, that is my life, but it doesn't have to be all my life. However, things like Alexis trying to stay quiet in her room so that I don't hear her awake when she should be napping… or the fact that I'm getting overly jealous of anyone who posts about their latest delivery… that is current. Current to my small, small world. And whether I acknowledge it, the rest of the world is frighteningly on the verge of collapse. Some places are collapsing. Most of us have no idea how to really comprehend the struggles of civilians living in the Mi...

Although I want to say this to all of our immediate family (and we have in various ways on a number of occasions), the truth is people do as they wish and make excuses until they give it an honest thought. This primarily goes out to my children. Perhaps it will make more sense to you for the waiting period may be over by then, but at least you can understand our beliefs in the matter at hand. Our goal will always be to encourage you to have faith and be believing in all things pertaining to the gospel because you want to .  Not because you have to earn His grace , but because His grace should become your motivation in this life.  Some of the gospel principles we've been taught surround self sufficiency in our temporal needs. It will surprise you how many people live day to day or paycheck to paycheck and don't really understand what being self sufficient means and it hurts worse when they don't care or feel entitled to the opposite - especially when America truly is a ...

I could see it. I could see the government  the majority of society allowing the government to ruin the establishment of religion. You think that's extreme, but it's already happening.  However, my husband reminded me that it isn't all about our country or society worldwide rolling in inequity that makes destruction imminent. Society is there! It is slow-moving, stiff-necked Zion that isn't righteous enough to combat the evils and receive Christ at His Second Coming. Perhaps the destruction will be to humble those who think they are followers of Christ and to fortify those on the right track. Our goal in life should involve becoming our best selves. There is still so much hope and joy to be found in the world when we play a better part. The redefinition of marriage is a big thing that happened recently, but so are a lot of things. It is good that we talk about equality and love. Even if the first is relative. However, much of the world is still living day to day fig...

I'm kind of kidding about the title. I mean in some moments it's completely true. I feel like I need to share more stories. The little ones that happen e.v.e.r.y day like that period of silence you've been begging for the last hour, but you don't actually want because the silence of a toddler 95% of the time means crayons on the wall, another lost box of tissues, ear swabs all over the floor, the toilet as the new bath or something to that effect (I mean did she really have to stick her hand in the toilet after our friend's daughter went pee? Where was I? oh right). We love stepping on cheerios. They can reach that china and they will eat all the mints out of your purse no matter where you try to hide them. One day, they'll finally learn how the zipper works. It just takes that one time of being human and lacking the energy or second thought that involves hiding everything you hold dear from the little anarchists. Which is why I'm quickly learning ...

I know you heard we were moving... again .  It's really hard for me not to share when things happen, especially BIG things. This one was a little different though. You don't really want to scream it. Or can't. Any way, we're moving again. And I need to at least document that. Just know it was sudden but perhaps the push we needed and wouldn't have gotten otherwise. Our days in Hickory may be counted down, our 30 day notice is in. But it could be extended. There just isn't much incentive to extend; it becomes a money pit if we don't decide quickly. And Mr Smith definitely decided sooner than me that boxes were needed. We could make a life here for another 5 years, or just go where Mr Smith's heart has always been. I know I've had a love / hate relationship with this place. And honestly I feel awkward calling any city home. I wonder why we came here and at the same time couldn't imagine not knowing or seeing the people and pla...

I guess I want to get it all out there regarding photography and me. I've mentioned it before, how I'm so up and down about saying "yes, I'm a photographer". I've always hated labels and titles - sometimes I just want to be . I know we have interests and talents for a reason and since I sometimes feel like the person with the one talent, I definitely don't want to be caught burying it, whatever it might be. Some people say it's photography. I guess people could see how much I loved it and even back to my freshman year of college, people asked me why I didn't major in it and I had a really good practical and logical response for them. A college boyfriend was convinced I was hiding and scared, and there may have been truth to that (but he was also a jerk). The photo major card just didn't line up for me, yes I could have made it happen, but I didn't want to knock down marble to get to it. I was comforted in the path I chose. College was ...