I wanted to write a little bit about us wrapping up year 4 with Lexi in case it takes me a little bit longer to catch up once the baby comes...
Lexi had her 5 year doc apt already so that she could finalize her shots for school. We submitted the registration paperwork and now just wait for orientation mid-April. She will do great; I know she'll thrive and it's really only 3 hours so I think it'll be perfect. She is doing great with sight words and trying to sound things out to read. There are still some struggle sounds like "r" that she says the "w" sound for, but I know she'll get there quick enough. The rules of English are horrible but she is great with repetition. Although when it comes to her online pre-k program, she really just gets through the reading & math so that she can play the games. Learning through play is a good thing.
I'm excited to see her learn & grow even more. I'm mostly excited for her to be around more kids her age & learn and grow from those experiences. Part of me is still trying to keep her grounded with a solid foundation so she won't fall if kids are less than a good influence. She has a difficult time following "boring" rules simply because a parent thinks it's important and sometimes she just becomes easily distracted. She has always wanted to do her own thing and I've had to battle how much space to give her to test boundaries. I feel like maybe our boundaries at home have become unclear or too restrictive that she has to fight us or be sneaky because she doesn't understand why it's important to listen or be honest with us. Perhaps it's not always a big deal, but her brother is watching and following her lead so I'm trying to make her more aware & responsible for her actions. We can talk about bad vs good choices all day long, but lately it's going right out the other ear. So I've checked out a few parenting books at the library to try and give me perspective and change my attitude about our relationship. Because some days it's honestly a big challenge and I want to foster a relationship of trust & love but that is so hard when you feel defeated & worn down. Every day things like:
- taking food from the pantry or fridge without asking or after I've said no or to wait until the next mealtime & then eating outside of the kitchen & making a mess or whining because I denied a treat
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- not being willing to clean messes up, at least not without a reward or asking 1 million times. Getting into things I keep up high because she isn't supposed to get them without asking, but she climbs up and gets them any way and creates a mess.
- turning on the TV after I've told her no or without asking and then not turning it off when I ask without a fight or meltdown. I have to try and hide the plug from her to even remove the choice. Half the time she will turn it off without incident (but Dallin whines), but then as soon as I'm distracted...it'll be back on again.
Putting up a fight about vegetables or going to bed or being dramatic with her brother or not being grateful are things I can handle (mostly). I get that those are typical things that habit helps us get better at, but the daily throng of the other 3 have made me remove the TV for a week, set up a goal list to reward her for doing hard or "boring" things (at one point wiping her butt was boring, have mercy) & limiting the treats we have & even snacks. Mind you, the only time I ever have an issue with her is when we're home. But I can't get out all the time so this winter has tested us. Sometimes she really tries, and I love when my sweet girl comes out.
She is still my sweet, sensitive, logical & outgoing girl, but with a new found silly & sassy side. She loves attention and I know it's a battle to give her all that she wishes she could get from me or dad. She loves to learn new things, get outside or talk to you about whatever she has watched on TV. We have daily talks about what she wants to be when she grows up: scientist, dancer, astronaut, artist. "Being tough" and "doing hard things" are still a challenge for her as much as listening & obeying (or maybe just following through?) , but once she realizes it's possible (she really does try to be brave), she finds the courage on her own terms & that is SO fun to witness.
I want to help her understand self-control & being resilient. I know that I influence how she learns to resolve conflict & I still struggle myself with managing my frustration. I just want her to develop a strong, kind, morally bound character in this sometimes mean, challenging, a-moral world. I just realized that this is the part of parenting that really becomes the challenge...the mental & emotional support. We are both in this together & I am very grateful for that although I'm constantly wanting to be better for her.
She will be a wonderful helper with the baby as she can be with Dallin. She is so excited & thinks of the baby daily. Perhaps she is too eager to be an adult (if that includes eating treats anytime you want). We are still 4. Slow down baby girl. 41 in & 38 lb a month before turning 5 (no above average height growth yet) and healthy as a horse! PS- she did awesome with her shots. No tears, but I think she was still surprised by having a moment of pain.
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