I Love You Mommy

I'm beginning to think the post hit count on blogger is a little off. I typically don't pay attention because it's always somewhere around say - 20 - for my average life posts. But just under 200 read what I deemed my most boring post as of yet, the cost of diapers. For one reason or another, it's good to know others care.

I have kept my blog mostly focused on Alexis and the pregnancy for the last few months. Admittedly, that is my life, but it doesn't have to be all my life. However, things like Alexis trying to stay quiet in her room so that I don't hear her awake when she should be napping… or the fact that I'm getting overly jealous of anyone who posts about their latest delivery… that is current. Current to my small, small world.

And whether I acknowledge it, the rest of the world is frighteningly on the verge of collapse. Some places are collapsing. Most of us have no idea how to really comprehend the struggles of civilians living in the Middle East. Although I appreciate Humans of New York adding perspective. Europe now is strained. The US is asking for trouble in a lot of ways, and is still trying to make sense of its internal public attacks, but perspective is interesting there. Violence is always terrible, but some children have grown up without knowing what peace is. We're still so very lucky to be in our current position. I wanted to take the time to recognize that. I do think things will get worse and so I support Mr Smith and his emergency prep focus; I'm just not ready to give up all my simple pleasures for the idea of waterproof boots and a camp stove. Sure, it's nice for some to be survivalists and understand nature. But I like looking at it from inside out. That's a simple pleasure I want to enjoy as long as possible. I hate to think of my kids not knowing what peace and comfort is. Life is luxurious even with student debt, renters insurance & my 1999 Nissan and I need to recognize that. Perhaps I should get over it sooner than later? What is really going to be expected of us? What do we really treasure?

I am just exhausted in most moments of the day. I have no idea if my body was this weary the first round, but sometimes I have a hard time getting to the nap time routine. I would totally push it off on Mr Smith if I could to read, sing and put her to bed. Not really complicated, but I guess I surprise myself. Without fail though, I cherish our last exchange of words and nothing is more important to me than telling my baby girl I love her and to hear it returned. Nothing beats,  "I love you mommy." No matter how tired we are, nothing beats being a mommy.