Am I A Photographer?

I guess I want to get it all out there regarding photography and me. I've mentioned it before, how I'm so up and down about saying "yes, I'm a photographer". I've always hated labels and titles - sometimes I just want to be. I know we have interests and talents for a reason and since I sometimes feel like the person with the one talent, I definitely don't want to be caught burying it, whatever it might be. Some people say it's photography. I guess people could see how much I loved it and even back to my freshman year of college, people asked me why I didn't major in it and I had a really good practical and logical response for them. A college boyfriend was convinced I was hiding and scared, and there may have been truth to that (but he was also a jerk). The photo major card just didn't line up for me, yes I could have made it happen, but I didn't want to knock down marble to get to it. I was comforted in the path I chose.

College was a perfect time for me to grow my photography interest, even if I couldn't take classes in it or learn the art of the darkroom. I had friends who wanted to be models and nature was right outside my doorstep. Utah was beautiful and the people were beautiful and I was inspired every day.

My first "gig" was when a friend basically forced me to accept money for my service. I didn't like the idea of charging; did I really know what I was doing? (looking back I grimace sometimes). So due to insecurities, expectations and awkwardness, paid gigs scared me. Eventually, I needed money for my time and the gear, because accomplishing expectations isn't cheap. I found I would get burned out and lazy if I wasn't paid, let alone I wasn't willing to invest in an expensive hobby that didn't refund costs in some way. And even today, my husband is not a cash cow. He still doesn't think I actually make any money, and relatively, I don't. But I still consider this an investment year, and it wasn't practical to invest much until now.

Photography is really expensive if you don't know. My starter camera was $500 and my new camera cost me $1400 used, and there is a life expectancy on gear too, even if there is a resale value. Those are just bodies. Lenses are the real investment and the quality lenses, new are a few grand. Then there are batteries, memory cards, studio gear like backdrops and fabrics, props, light equipment ($500+), editing equipment... I mean it adds up quickly. And lets not forget the general stress that comes in hoping "clients" are 110% happy with the results. There is a lot of prep work and post work no one but your husband sees. 

Then if you decide to make a business out of it there are taxes & website costs. Which is where I currently stand. Do I want to make this a real business? Yes, I get paid for the gigs I do, which really only end up being 2-3 a month. To me that's not worth an expensive website and legal technicalities. And it also means prices would go up when I'm not comfortable charging more, yet at the same time competitors want to bite off my head for undercutting them as it is. Although still feeling new to the area, I'm not much competition. I'd love to do my own prints, but that definitely seems like light years away. So how do you balance it all? 

I want to be the affordable, "friend" photographer who doesn't hold a sitting fee, or charge by the minute or photo, especially when everyone is in tears and need moments to relax and have fun. I want to do what I love, reasonably. And I still do general photography and don't specialize in just wedding or newborn like some do, but that's because I can't afford to be picky at this point. There are pros and cons for clients when it comes to that.

But sometimes, I don't want all the expectations nor do I want to spend all my spare time editing photos. I end up editing at least 50 per session! I should take less, but with children, that's hard to do. And who am I to keep an entire album of your family but give you 15 photos? But do you only want 15? How do I choose what you want without doing a sitting and I don't like showing RAW images any way. Over time, I stopped doing photography for myself, but maybe that's only half the reason we have talents in the first place? Yes, I still enjoy a portrait session (I love capturing life), but I understand how it quickly becomes a business deal. I take my camera less places when it's just my family. I'm too tired to give my daughter the shoot I give other families. My family portraits are pathetic. (But again, I have the husband who hates portraits and I'm way too cheap to hire a photographer, catch 22)

So tell me, what should I do?