God knows us. I have a very real testimony of this. He loves us. I know this like I know the sun rises in the morning. This love allows him to hear the prayers, the small ones we imperfectly say to our minds as our heads hit the pillow AND the ones with tears that stream down in our car when every ounce of our existence feels defeated.
I remember those times in the beginning where I felt the comfortable life was too good to be true. I just knew something else would be coming that I needed to be prepared for. Life wasn't going to go according to my ideal plan. And that time surely came. I'd like to say I was emotionally and mentally prepared for it, but certainly that has been His goal, to make me stronger. I did not think I would repeat this opportunity multiple times, but that's where the faith really grows. I have not been alone in this journey of uncertainty. I honestly couldn't imagine time stopping in that first phase. I think of all the relationships that have been built since then. I know God wanted to give me those relationships. He wanted me to find purpose, strength & hope outside of my ideal.
It has taken me, perhaps until now, to realize this. We have to be willing to change, grow & become someone better. We are amazing, pliable souls. We can gain perspective, overcome weaknesses & find greater joy far outside our imagination when we TRY living the gospel of Jesus Christ. He showed us who our Heavenly Father is. He showed us how to return to a greater place of glory, love & inspiration. We can do this. In doing so, we are able to call down the powers of heaven to help us grow. God is willing. The hard part is accepting THEIR wisdom by overcoming the fear that blessings might take a little longer than we expected or that they come in a completely different way.
Most recent decisions involved a leap of faith. I trusted, and then I doubted along the way, constantly. I'd seek for peace and then question everything. I felt too imperfect for blessings. Perhaps even at one point, I felt alone and discouraged. I let hope escape my grasp. I used other people to strengthen my soul and lift my burden, but it took realizing that no one else could really grow for me. I had to be the one to grow. Christ understood my concerns. I had to trust that He did care about my family, and that through Him, God knew how to best answer our prayers and would in the best way possible. My choice was to be hopeful & happy regardless of the outcome. I could have hope in today and let the rest go. With that hope, my husband would be guided & I could trust him as well.
Mr Smith finally got the position we had hoped for years ago. The trumpets didn't sound, but I want to remember this time forever. We are not alone. We can be guided. All we are asked to do is try. Little or great, we just need to be willing to be changed moments at a time.
Going all the way back to April, he felt he needed to focus his search on Boise, ID. After applying to a position there, another came that we really felt was it. It fell through without explanation and it hurt (for a second time) along with a few other things. But Boise ended up calling soon after. I didn't understand the wait at the time. One day seemed like a lifetime in my imperfect, impatient mind. It took weeks to set up the interview, weeks to get it, and weeks before the offer came. I learned a lot from my husband's faith and about my own. We rely so much on inspiration and guidance when we need something. I'd like to hope I can continue to pray as hard in the good times. Humility is tough to learn; we need the pressure to know we can't do it alone.
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