Being A Parent

There was a time when Dallin was sleeping better (maybe only waking up once or so) and we weren't being disturbed by Lexi at night either and during the day Lexi was being so much nicer to Dallin and being a big helper and LISTENING.

It lasted for a couple of days. I was in the clouds. It's funny how you think "maybe I got this" and then your children slap you in the face.

Turns out, I'm still impatient and have a temper. All it takes is for Lexi to ruin another chapstick of mine after I have told her 100 billion times not to touch MY diaper bag or MY bedside table. Sometimes I can let things go, but wastefulness... it slays me. There was also that time when I told her not to press any other buttons on the Kindle (before I knew about parental controls) and she bought $22 worth of Sid the Science Kid or she almost did. I freaked out before I knew the facts. I ran in and took it away (they sent me an email) so SHE FREAKED and boy were we a hot mess. I had to call Dad just so I didn't do something I regretted. Luckily it was the old credit card that had fraud so the sale didn't go through. But ya know, when I ask in 5 years why 3 was so hard... it was over stuff like that. Little things. Such small things, but there are also so many power struggles that it's just emotionally draining! She doesn't get why mom makes all the rules. If I don't listen to what she wants, then I should be punished. It's logical right!? Sometimes she wants things ONLY right then and she loses her cool. And I lose my cool when I have a sleeping Dallin in my arms or when I was sleeping myself. Yes, future self, all these things mattered today. 

But Dad comes home and says I should be more patient, and talk nicer. And he is 100% correct. But it's hard. And when he's alone with her, he realizes it too.

So mostly we're over the jealousy phase. I think the jealousy/battle for attention calmed down when we let her sleep on the floor of our room while Dallin slept behind a closed door.  She still really loves him. She still is like her daddy & doesn't always realize that she isn't being soft. I can honestly only say "be soft" in a nice tone maybe 10 times before I scream it. HAHA. 

But I tell her "mama made a bad choice too" and she will tell me "I forgive you". She is a sweetie and she definitely knows when she is making bad choices as well. Having the TV or Kindle taken away is motivating (unfortunately) but she always thinks "that was a good choice mom" will earn it right back whiiiiich isn't always the case. Kids and time, I swear. Do you feel remorse? Anything? Why am I not happy until she feels remorse? So then I feel bad. Being a positive, motivating, teaching, patient parent is hard. 

I am so blessed to have her clever, super sweet, social, cuddly, logical, easy going (plays by herself), nurturing, caring self as a daughter. She may have become a little more timid with "scary" new experiences and isn't as "tough" as I know she can be when she falls down BUT she will get there. We talk about being brave, controlling her emotions & practicing things over and over until we get better. They learn best from watching us though. So we still have a lot to do ourselves... my favorite phrases to hear are

"Don't worry, I'm okay mommy" or

"Mommy, I did it!"

I need to write more examples down of course, but a current battle has been what we are willing to eat for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Here is one conversation:

Mom: "You can have cereal or eggs"
Lexi: "I want goldfish"
Mom: "Goldfish aren't for breakfast. You need to choose cereal or eggs"
Lexi: "But mom, just give me the goldfish"
Mom: "I'm not going to argue about it. I'll let you think about it; I'm going to my room"
Lexi 1 minute later: "Okay mom, I want cereal"

It doesn't always work out that well. But I love her cute self. We're a team.