Mr & Mrs Smith

The latest is that February flew by in a very mundane way. We have been home more than not which is hard on me & the kids, but we're making it work. Part of that was due to our minivan being in the shop (but it has also been really cold, even snowed a good bit). We have only paid for a transmission fluid flush at this point; I dropped it off yesterday for a second transmission opinion so we're just waiting. Always waiting and lately it has been for bad financial news. But what's a car in terms of heaven.  Life is expensive & there is always something. But it has been frustrating nonetheless to want a dependable minivan for the 3rd child and dealing with this before she even comes.  I'm just very frustrated if all this drama was due to a missing dipstick that has been missing since we bought the vehicle. The question is if the transmission will go, is it worth the other quoted RARE mechanics eventually needed as well as the regular stuff. It's hard to in...

I'm not sure what unhappy feelings feels like on an unborn, but I already feel bad for this child.  So many minutes in a day my kids are adorable, and we are gliding by & they are laughing. Two seconds later & they are screaming like someone chopped their arm off.  I wouldn't know when an ER visit is imminent because those lungs have already given me PTSD over nothing. Yeah, let's add potty training to emotional children & again, I feel bad for the unborn, and my brain. It takes a lot of energy to fuss too. I'm so drained & I hate that.  But their screaming has to stop. I'm pretty sure Lexi taught Dallin how to do it when they are excited and frustrated. I'm supposed to be calm, but firm back? Lexi already cannot hear. Literally, she is deaf to any sort of instruction or request. That will literally be her biggest challenge in school - how to follow instructions.  But make her a promise about a treat or let her retell a story from TV and apparen...

"We moved to Provo when Lexi was 18 months old (Dallin's age now). It was probably the hardest time of my life, which maybe means I've had a decent life, but nonetheless, I was not excited for this life change & it was all the feels for me. Fast forward 3 years & I'm amazed to realize it has been that long. There are probably a billion things I didn't take advantage of, but I've felt the blessings I was once very unsure of.  I say this now, because there may be some that didn' t catch on to my life crisis of finding a new home. We are moving to Boise, ID this week, which again, is crazy in my mind, but I've realized life can be an adventure & will work out as long as we keep the faith...which is an active principle & one I've come to understand a bit more at this time in my life. I am most importantly grateful again to those special people who were a touchpoint for me in UT. I will remember you. And I know even though thing...

You might not know it, but there has definitely been stress up in this house this...i don't know entire year thus far. We're hoping for changes soon BUT UNTIL THEN we at least got AC installed for the summer instead of a swamp cooler. That's a bright side, right? We've officially labeled myself as someone with anxiety. For the most part I keep it at bay (don't talk to Mr Smith), but life has it's way of shaking up our comfort zones from time to time.  I'm hoping our allergies die down some. I know that's a lot to ask for in Spring. And I need to make a new doc apt... I'm just not sure on timing. But I haven't started my period and am, therefore, concerned. I still want to bear children in the near future. I do not want cancer. I thought I had my thyroid issue all figured out BUT MAYBE we can just blame all this on that! Except I was fine 6 months post-partum and I take "them pills"consistently. I hate the unknown. take away a littl...

Between my surgery, Dallin's Croup virus and then a THIRD round of mastitis, we have been home A LOT. And surprisingly Lexi has handled it well. But really I thought this might just be our new life until Spring. I mean the local grocery stores are already setting it up where you just order your groceries in advance and they come load your car. I get the urge. Preschool has been cancelled every week last month due to illnesses, but you can't catch mastitis, it just comes oh so naturally...to me. I didn't even know it was a real option at the time, 9 months into it! It totally took me by surprise and had no warning. That's why when the breast pain came earlier in the day, I figured it was due to Dallin's teething. But then I realized it was the breast tissue. Once the chills set in that evening I texted Mr Smith and told him I had mastitis, right after the doctor office closed. I just figured I'd hold on until the 6:45 time period when Mr Smith said he would ...

I wonder when I'll forget that morning of hearing Dallin crying mid-sleep and realizing I could go to him but it was only 12 AM and it felt like we had just laid him down. While I waited for what seemed like forever on Mr Smith to make the initial leap, my body decided to get up before my mind even caught up. AS SOON as I opened the door and realized what he sounded like, I grabbed him and I told Mr Smith to get up; Dallin needed to go to the hospital. Mr Smith hadn't been sleeping. I slipped on slippers and I wanted to cry while I held Dallin close to me as Mr Smith changed and got Lexi up. It was more than just his inability to breathe, every breath sounded like his last. Inhale and exhale, that wheeze was so labored and so heartbreaking that I immediately thought about his baby cousins who were in our home the previous day. Oh my gosh, what if we passed this to them! We didn't even strap him in the car seat really. We didn't want anything restricting him. It was the...

For better or worse, these were all the "nice" photos we took during their week stay. Good thing I wrote down ideas for each day so that I don't have to recollect what actually happened... Friday - Arrival. Gammi takes us grocery shopping and we get some pizza for dinner Saturday - Gammi made a Thanksgiving craft with Lexi then goes to the movies with Troy while PopPop comes to play. Gammi took Lexi to the toy store too and came back with something mom wouldn't approve of all because "Lexi wouldn't leave without it." It was returned. Lexi played at their hotel riding her bike up & down the halls. We had french toast & bacon for dinner. Sunday - Church *extra hands* and the family came over for chicken tortilla soup & FHE Monday - We tried out the new Orem mall play area while I went to run a couple errands. I was way disappointed at the indoor area! Totally not kid proof! Although the bathrooms were appreciated. Unfor...

Everyone is in bed before 8 PM. Including Dad. Apparently my potatoes and chicken dinner had mystic powers. Lexi fell asleep on dad soon after. Dallin worked on his exploration skills while I picked up their room and then after his final drink, he was pooped. It's always rewarding to lay your children down peacefully. I had a touch & go nap earlier, but it was good enough. For some reason my leg muscles were a little achey last night and this morning the tops of my legs are really tender. Trust me, I didn't do anything out of the ordinary yesterday, but I became exhausted today too and just couldn't handle a toddler not napping and a bipolar baby sleeper. Mr Smith was at church later so I think I just got upset with Lexi and she ended up playing alone and handling it. I had to ask for forgiveness once I woke. I'm just not sure what's taking over my body yet. Man the flesh is weak. My nose is on the mend. I had my follow-up and as I was slightly worried sinc...

My first surgery might me monumental. As far as surgeries go, this one is pretty low key, but I was still under general anesthesia for an hour. And now I know what that means. It's CRAZY waking up without enough energy to move an eyelid, unable to remember going in for the surgery. One quick snapshot came back to me of actually being moved from my room, but if I moved myself from the bed to the operating table, I don't remember it. Luckily, everything went well and seems to be fairly normal. I hate explaining what it was because it sounds like a nose job. No rhinoplasty for me. But I also struggle with how to say what it was: septoplasty with turbinate reduction. I think. There were some before and after photos, but I'm still having to trust that in a few weeks, I will be able to breathe in such a way like glasses bring detail to the world. But right now, it's a pretty sucky sinus infection you can't flush out. Day 1 went by quick and the root beer slushy sti...

I was nominated for that superlative in high school, but lost it to an actual soccer player. Okay, I HAVE to write about perhaps the biggest thing that happened to us all year, besides Dallin being born of course. WE OWN A MINIVAN. I'm a little past the part of it being a minivan and even a new car really (new to us - has still been around since I graduated high school). I'm just grateful we're over the hurdle of commitment. We've needed more space.  Eric's car was having some problems we didn't want to deal with, still had a trade value $2k+ greater than mine, 40k more miles, was manual which I refuse to drive, etc... so we found "a price" (<$13k) w/ mileage (<80k) we had been looking for, took it to the shop to get inspected and then Mr Smith bought it. Since I couldn't be there to negotiate, I was a little stressed and anxious especially because everything else was going wrong and I couldn't even focus on it. Mr Smith doesn...

While Daddy is away.... Mommy will put off the trash until forever. It'll just sit there at the top of the stairs all ready to be taken out. And that darn lid that always pops off? It'll stay popped off. Both kids will be screaming, and I'll secretly wish you were here. When I need some extra encouragement for an Amazon splurge for that laminator... I'll want your opinion. And that darn deadbolt at night... I almost forgot it was my responsibility. I don't know if I love that. I handled you being away for the longest you've ever been away and with both kids (3.5 days). It was better than I thought, but I think because dinner was a little easier, and then I didn't get distracted with a TV show - I had plenty of time to put the kids to bed. Lexi wasn't going crazy because sometimes only daddy has a special way of expanding the energy levels at bedtime. I pretty much had all the control that a 3 year old will give me, and it worked out okay. Most li...

I didn't even blog the whole month of June! Let me tell you, it literally has become the last thing I have time for. And even now, I'm tired and the kids are asleep SO I NEED TO BE. It's so hard being sleep deprived. My brain has gone to the pits. I have the worst memory and ability to recall anything. I feel privileged to function at all. I know I've been given some added strength to accomplish anything. Playdates, Library time, Cleaning, Cooking, Shopping, Working in/out of office, Photos, Projects, Preparing RS lessons or preschool lessons... honey, I know you work hard every day and have to push through little sleep as well BUT my day is plenty hard too. Because have mercy that whiney voice kicks in after dinner time and I'm just like "stop being annoying". Honestly though, she heard me say "just shut your mouth" the other day. I was just done. It's still a really cute mouth. I hate when I cause her anxiety from my own, but after a certa...

My hair might be oily. I might be in pjs all day. And my brain will always have this lingering pressure from lack of sleep. I know these months are just a few months, but I hate wishing time away when I know I want to cherish every phase at the same time. I just REALLY want to sleep again. Where are these 4 hour stretches Dallin?? I just hate neglecting Lexi because I'm so dang tired. Accomplishing ANYTHING becomes the accomplishment. Like today I made banana bread & made a craft project with Lexi. When I make it to the grocery store, clean the bathroom, or put away all the laundry, I mean it seems like substantial feats. I used to go stir crazy in the house. Now I'm just afraid I'll never make it out willfully again. I mean I do, sometimes. I set play dates and then I'm forced to do stuff.  Instead of messes, Lexi has turned up the sass. Everything "is a good idea" when she suggests it, but sometimes when it comes to cleaning her room or doing someth...

Monday was the first day I cried since bringing Dallin home. I got mastitis again, one week after finishing my last antibiotic. He is 3 weeks now. With that and the 1-2 hour sleep stretches and decreased appetite, I just physically and emotionally let go. I don't think I wanted to give up, but I thought about it happening. Nursing that is. I made Mr Smith stop whatever important work things he was ignoring me for to help. I just needed him and the drugs. Thank goodness my mom was here for the kiddos since I just couldn't be me. Im truly sorry I couldn't be me, but maybe it just happens sometimes. At least this time it didn't happen over the weekend. Luckily nursing actually feels better once I get past the fear of the initial touch and latch. We can do this. Milk supply, we can do this. And encourage longer sleep stretches. Right after this fever & headache dies down…oie Good thing that face is totally worth it.

There have been a couple of days where the house was perfect. No dirty dishes or floors, no laundry and the beds were made. And I thought, the baby can come today, today would be a good day. He hasn't, but the thought now crosses my mind e.v.e.r.y day. Would today be a good day? I didn't think I was out to defy gravity, but it seems this kiddo made his way back on up. My ribs and bra are a little too crowded and that whole breathing thing… it's a miracle most of the time humans don't have to worry about that. Yet I still feel really swollen and sore like a head is ready to fall out of my vagina. How long is he really? I mean this whole human being growing inside you thing - straight up crazy.  Today was my 37 week apt and for the first time I had to wait and for a really long time in a steamy room (it doesn't take much to make me hot), hungry, thirsty & naked. I mean they told me the doctor would be in and I should get undressed, but these fluffy thighs...

With 9 weeks to go, I gained 30 lbs. Eat that.  All my muscles have long ago loosened and it has made rolling over in bed a task indeed along with all the other lovely symptoms. The top of my stomach is definitely more crowded and it hurts to sit forward or be restricted at all. My body is ready to be done. My mind and body are on the same page. On a good note, my thyroid is still normal on my current dose. And they have me marked down for an epideral even though my husband and doctor have to give me nightmares about having a quick second delivery. I don't want a back up plan! I want to walk into the hospital calmly and receive my epideral people. Let's make it happen. I just know that Lexi came SUPER fast after they broke my water, so if my contractions start and break my water this time, I might be screwed. JK - it's pregnancy & delivery - all will go according to plan. Things I'd LIKE to accomplish before I enter the dark hole of the first month post b...

Okay, you guys are going to think I'm crazy, but sometimes I just get obsessed with things and then I have to lay it out in an Excel spreadsheet to make sense of my mind-erings. With Cyber Monday and Target $20 gift cards, I get a little excited. If you haven't heard from me yet, I LOVE the gift cards Targets offers on their diapers. I also have a bunch of random brands for Size 1 (currently Pampers Dry, New Generation from Amazon, Walgreens, Target), but after that - I'm Target loyal because it's the easiest way to get them cheap HOWEVER I didn't always get the deals with Lexi because I bought as needed and hoped when I needed they were on sale! So this time around, while the deals fell in the same few weeks, I thought why not stock up and not stress about making sure things are in stock when I need them, because it's UT and diaper deals go fast! Mr Smith and I also like to calculate how much we spend overall on things like this. Quicken tells him what he nee...

Glucose Update: The following week I took the torture glucose test on an 8 hour fast. The pros, my mom was in town to watch Lexi and it turns out you only have to drink the crap once. The cons, that one drink is TORTURE to swallow. Like my tongue was going numb, throat was burning, I was starting to fly in the clouds, and my insides were curdling. The nurse said some people like it, (whaaaaat????!?!). I mean I was dripping it on my shirt, shaking… it was awful. After they drew some initial blood and I drank the torture, I had to wait around for 3 hours and get my blood drawn every hour, which was also SO painful because there are basically two spots to get my blood. My right arm, where the vein is small and wiggles or my right hand. For some reason my left side is dead. So imagine getting pricked in the same place over and over. Only a skilled nurse can get it in my arm, but I didn't get a skilled nurse the first time. So the second nurse pierces a bruise. Any way, all that to...

I will probably fast next time even though they don't say to the first time around and I will probably not eat skittles the night before. I will most likely do a bit more walking as well. Drinking the glucose wasn't even that bad (get the orange) but it makes you lightheaded for sure. I chugged it in 2 minutes and followed it up with eggs & toast. I went in thinking the best. That I would be completely normal.  Then immediately after the test she told me at 143 I needed to take the 3 hr test and I wanted to die. I thought surely she was kidding, but she wasn't really the kidding type. Because 1. I hate spending extra money 2. I hate thinking my fetus is at risk 3. I hate having to find a sitter, especially for 3 hours 4. I HATE thinking about being in a doctor's office for 3 hours 5. I hate thinking of drinking the "not so terrible drink" THREE more times 5. I hate thinking I have to get my blood drawn THREE more times since that is always sucky fo...

Fooled ya still!  I'm 16 weeks now and believe it or not I STILL do NOT have a belly photo. I'm not sure why a picture seems like agony these days, but I do have a story to go along with it this time. We went to the temple on Saturday to do baptisms (which I haven't done since I've been endowed) and boy did we pick the wrong time! (although we didn't pick it, it's just the time that worked out). We got stuck right in the middle of a group of young women. That part is essential to the story because when it was FINALLY my turn to sit in the room with the font (when one leaves, another enters; there are like 7 seated spots for the women), the temple worker told me the young women were squishing on the bench and so I could wait a couple turns because older women like us need a little more space especially with a baby on the way. I'M BARELY SHOWING PEOPLE. Any way, I glared at Mr Smith stating she was bold. We hear of people making such comments, but I swea...