Mr & Mrs Smith

Ignore the hair clip. I get a little ...overly anxious at the idea sometimes. same with pigtails Yesterday was a fail with naps & life… She is struggling to rid this cold and go to bed like normal. She is struggling to go from standing to sitting (which involves lots and lots of whining). She is struggling not to grind her teeth (it's the creepiest sound) and bite her crib.  Sigh. But she's really cute. Most of her days are full of cute moments. I just like it when she gets a proper nap, so days like yesterday, don't end with contemplated suicidal notes. More of the past week? Grandma came to visit so we got 50% off Sushi at Wild Wok - our favorite so far is the Wild Wok roll . It's a great tradition. But mom's visit allowed for a double date with our friends the Harlines at Carrabbas, which I haven't been to since high school prom. Eric and I also got a break that 3rd hour of church and a few days diaper duty free. We also enjoy...

I really just wanted to nap. But I'm having one of those moments where my mind won't let me. So, I do what helps me best, I write it down. I'm one of those people who struggle to say exactly what they mean the first time. I don't always finish thoughts or connect ideas, which is why instead of pushing myself to get better at communication, I just keep my mouth shut when possible (Mr Smith does not apply here). However, every now and then I'm given opportunities to open my mouth and I know I need to speak up - even when I feel like I sound foolish. I should depend on God more often to filter my words before they hit the ears of others, and when it counts, I really hope he does. I quickly realize my wisdom is nothing in comparison.  I think I should speak up even when being silent is easier. The older I get, the more I fear the effects of silence. The kind of silence that portrays indifference which feeds acceptance shaded by tolerance but it simply accepts s...

I bought my first studio light and set it up for a little self portrait testing . . . There's a "30 day" photo challenge. I want to do every photo, but heavens it will spread out over many months I'm sure. But it starts with a self portrait. So I guess I'm starting the experiment now, but we'll call it #30photos I'm 25. A mom of One . A wife of One. Outside of the fact that this is me pictured below, I'm L O V I N G the lighting. and I air brushed my face don't hate . It's a little scary. Being a model is harder than it looks.

And as I manually transferred phone numbers, I didn't include Nana's. And that made me stop for a second. My phone is cool. Still expensive and distracting but it also saves memories and allows me to connect to those who are still here with me. Because I wish it were as easy as walking across the street. She just looks so happy here. And it kills me that I just kissed her and walked away, because I didn't know what else to say with everyone else in the room. this picture truly shows the eye of the storm. If I ever have grandchildren, I wonder what they will think of pictures like these.

Sometimes I want to ball up (with my down comforter) in a cave. I hate those mornings where you're not quite ready to be awake and take on the day. You're stuck in your own depressed head and each thought somehow makes you more guilty and self-deprecating. I felt emotionally and mentally depleted.  And of course I called myself pathetic for not being stronger than this. I know I'm stronger than this! I know I can be a grateful stay-at-home-mom who finds value in helping my daughter grow, building my talents and making my home a place of happiness and refuge. I know I can love this work. I know I can be confident in knowing I am on the right path and doing good things.  I think it's when I devalue my work, whatever it is, and I decide it's so easy I can do it on my own. Dare I say it, but I think Heavenly Father doesn't need to deal with me today. I act as if He thinks like the world - which doesn't recognize me and doesn't care - who thinks I have n...

…is changing so much right now; I constantly finding myself staring at her and smiling. Dad too keeps saying "did you see that?" "she's amazing" and so on and so forth. She's our one and only, what did you expect? Although she was wanting attention earlier today and dad was insistent about "you are not going to be a whiner." Ha - I just love her personality rain or shine (ok mostly just shine). Although I think our "get over it" mentality as parents might do the trick. She is just so easily amused. I mean, she thinks Mr Smith is funny. I thought she seemed animated a month ago, but her personality is coming out more and more - adorableness by the minute. Whether she is playing chase (crawling/climbing away from you) or giving me her stink face, I eat it all up.  You can just see her light up when she climbs up in the fridge and just touches everything. She is getting on her knees more when crawling, but I think she feels her belly i...

I know someone is just dying to go all Five Love Languages on me, but I guess if I had to pick in contrast to my previous post, not gifts , I receive love in quality time and words of affirmation . I kinda feel like I need both. Although I like doing things for said people I love or touching the only said Mr Smith, I'm not sure those are how I receive it. I looooooove Mr Smith time. The only time I don't like Mr Smith time is when I'm doing something on the computer and he hovers. Or when he is a backseat driver. Or when he makes me carry heavy things. My favorite time of day is when he comes home. I don't like staying over night when he isn't there. Just having him in the same general area is a comfort to me. I mean the needy list goes on.  And I'm sure you're laughing when I said another way I receive love is by words of affirmation and I married Mr Smith . He laughs at that too. The man who would rather pull out his toe nails than share his feel...

#cueanxietyattack I feel like I need to write a disclaimer or two just to get it all out there. #1 - Mr Smith actually wasn't my first Valentine. But you like how I initially remembered differently? Ha. And ironically, per this post, I did receive a "perfect" gift that year, haha. But I think I had told my bf at the time something I'd like and it wasn't my money, so take that for what it's worth Mr Smith. #2 - see rant below #diabetes  Cause I'm all "but I didn't get you anything" and he says I did, the Skittles & Starburst . But ehh I'm torn. I'm torn about this idea of "gifts" for Valentines Day. I smiled at all the men carrying flowers out of the grocery store today. Mostly because I'm all "suckers" but partly because it's sweet too. I don't care what it is, men going out of their way to make women happy is , well, my definition of romantic.  He thought of making me happy. So he...

Finally. finally. F.I.N.A.L.L.Y we feel the 4th tooth. It has almost been 2 months since the first top tooth came in and we've been waiting for this one. We are now back to blissful, undisturbed sleep. Well, until 6 AM. Should I just embrace a 6AM feed time with an 8AM wake time? She has been going to sleep closer to 8:30-9PM so maybe once this third evening nap it out she will go to bed earlier and be up earlier but not killing me at 6AM. I mean, this is hands down better than anything in the beginning, but come on it's 9 months and I can't handle 6AM wake up. I know, I had children so therefore I gave up that right. It's my own fault for not being a morning person. Also new, she actually enjoys walking with us now. As soon as you stand her up she is ready to take off (with our support of course). But it still scares her to try and go from standing to sitting or even walking with the support of a toy instead of us. She also frets about sitting to standing too o...

Sometimes I try to picture it in my head - Mr Smith singing and dancing with me and the kids. Making home music videos. It has always been my dream as a kid/teenager/adult and so now that I'm having my own kids that I can manipulate . . . I'm really hoping they will humor me, or heaven forbid I get my hopes up and they actually love  being completely ridiculous with me. But I'm afraid we'll always have to wonder what Mr Smith would be like. It's a shame really, because he has a great singing voice. I think he is just jealous of my moves. There were two things {ok more like 10} going into marriage that I just knew I couldn't get my hopes up about but secretly I'm like come on just once humor me!! (and a few more times after that) 1. dancing. crazy dancing. simple dancing. swaying. anything. anywhere. I mean for a man who loves and knows so much about music - it's like his hips don't move. out of spite. 2. romance. errr not the flowers. ...

I always feel obligated to explain myself. This can be a good trait within teamwork or friendship, but it's almost more annoying. I wish I was just better at explaining myself the first time. It also means I care what people think. I'd rather be that person who can just walk away still content with herself. But I can't let things go, not until I explain it. I want to be true to myself, always. I avoid contention, but if it stems from complete understanding & honesty, I can accept it. I think it's one of the reasons I enjoyed blogging so much. But even then, I forget I'm not a stand still type of person. I don't just fit in one box. As much as I'd like to categorize my actions or thoughts, they might change even when the same scenario is repeated again. I drive my own self nuts. I'm slowly giving up the chase. It's pointless really. Life is better when you except that you are dynamic - that you can improve upon the bad and even the good. {this is...

Well, it happened over a week ago , but nonetheless, we just had our 9 month doctor apt today. If I had paid attention and realized they don't get shots at 9 months, I would have saved my $25 (we only get 4 a year for her under a copay). And my time. Oh well. I could have told the doctor she was developmentally fine. However, Lexi did impress me when she made no sound with the finger prick. It just took ages to get the blood. She wore the bandaid for about 5 minutes. {enjoy the photoshoot. she didn't dress up for it.} quick stats weight 20 lbs 4.5 oz 71% height 28.5 inches 76% head 17.75 inches 77% size 12-18 in clothes (so many things are off season!) size 3 shoe (if she wears them) size 3-4 diapers 3 teeth. I've been patiently waiting for the 4th (grrr) Physical Development  - She is great at feeding herself bite size food. And even that tiny piece of thread off the floor =/. She has developed some eczema issues this winter, but I...

So this post begins with words from my brother, Elder Troy. If he wasn't already wiser beyond his years, a mission has enhanced his spiritual mind and given him great perspective on life. I love this quote that he shared: As you consider the question of what kind of person you will become, you must understand the dynamic process of life. You not only can change but you do change all of the time. Sometimes people do not believe this. They excuse their failures and weaknesses by saying: "That's just the way I am." "I am just short tempered, impatient person." I can't get up in the morning. That's just the way I am." "That's my nature." Or, "I'm just shy. That's all. That's just who I am." "I am not really a spiritual person." To believe that weaknesses and deficiencies in your character are unchangeable is to reject the central truth of the plan of salvation. You are not cast in stone. You not...