Change

So this post begins with words from my brother, Elder Troy. If he wasn't already wiser beyond his years, a mission has enhanced his spiritual mind and given him great perspective on life. I love this quote that he shared:

As you consider the question of what kind of person you will become, you must understand the dynamic process of life. You not only can change but you do change all of the time. Sometimes people do not believe this. They excuse their failures and weaknesses by saying: "That's just the way I am." "I am just short tempered, impatient person." I can't get up in the morning. That's just the way I am." "That's my nature." Or, "I'm just shy. That's all. That's just who I am." "I am not really a spiritual person."

To believe that weaknesses and deficiencies in your character are unchangeable is to reject the central truth of the plan of salvation. You are not cast in stone. You not only can change but you do change all of the time. You are a dynamic, changing, evolving being. You are always changing. You never stay the same. You cannot stand still." 
-Lawrence E. Corbridge

"We are not set in stone! That weakness, bad habit, or negative characteristic we claim is just part of who we are is false. As sons and daughters of a Heavenly Father we have the power to grow to become like Him. Any fault can be overcome through the Christ and His Atonement, which is the most central part of the Plan of Salvation. "

I thought it was powerful.

There is a need to balance loving our imperfect selves, but with that love, evolving to something even greater with the moments we've been given. 

I remember being a freshman at BYU and thinking, goodness I can't wait until my senior year when I'll have it all figured out. What a joke, right? Sometimes I feel the more I learn, the less I know. When I graduated I was like, crap, now what? But I wasn't alone. God lead me where I could make a difference - where I had opportunity to grow. I found myself in many situations where I thought, how on earth did I get here, with these people (because let's be real it's all about our relationships). Sometimes I was so grateful and other times I felt I was being tested or punished. But either way, I should have been grateful knowing not that things change, but that I could change.

Certain goals were attained. Others weren't. And I learned a few life lessons that, I don't know, put a drop in my bucket of understanding. I grew a little. And I thank God that somehow things worked out. But it's not like all things are worked out. And it's not like I can say "I'm happy now" because that assumes I wasn't happy then. I have my bad and good days just like everyone else, then and now. I'm still the 16 year old me, the 21 year old me, & the 25 year old me. I've just changed perspectives, which have inevitably changed habits, attitude, gratification, hobbies, priorities etc... And one would hope wisdom and improvement is part of that natural process.

I knew when I was single that a boyfriend or a husband wouldn't resolve my self doubt issues (although I thought surely it would help). I've realized that the confidence a new outfit brought would be short lived if I didn't already appreciate how I looked and what was really important. I hate to think that so much of our young lives are spend with how we look and who we are with, compared to the world. "Are we cool enough?" I hate that the world makes us focus on fleeting happiness. There is so much more power in knowing I am a person of infinite worth due to a Heavenly Father who loves me, the same me who sometimes has bad days. Single or taken. High performing or below average. Spotlighted or Hidden. He knows me. Loves me. And wants me back. I have a soul. I have a body. I am a person of value and infinite worth. I am beautiful. I am trying. I am worth the time. I will change. I can become greater.