And so it begins, again

At what point do you ...

1. Keep holding on waiting for inspiration to come

2. Try something different

3. Let go & walk away

I'd say most of us are usually somewhere in between #1 & #2, but there are occasional moments where I find myself locked into another Jane Austin film with some oreos & milk ignoring reality all together. 

Today, I'm trying to rise above some level of complacency & clear my mind at your expense. Mr Smith & I had a good run of it, but since blogs became obsolete in 2017 while Instragram chained us all to algorithms, I had no audience nor desire to write in this world. But times change, after it murders our souls, and alas we are famished for an authentic keyboard with less distractions again.

So, let's catch up.

They say it comes in threes... Since our job change in 2017, we experienced three more moves, three additional job changes (that don't necessarily align with the moves), and three additional children. 

2018-2022 were very pivotal  years in my life as far as personal growth goes, but I'm sure you can tell via Instagram posts. I found Jesus, you could say. 

Everything seemed so dramatic & out of my control. We loved our time in Boise, ID where child #4 came with a pandemic that shutdown the world & thyroid cancer surgery that opened my eyes. We started home-school in 2020 to continue the fun fest. As I choked down a radiation pill that following year, we experienced move #8 to Helena, Montana & 3 months later as I finally received the only relaxing vacation I've had in 10 years, time announces I lost control of my thyroid meds & was severely hypothyroid, but also expecting the child I never knew I needed & buying a house we said we would never pay that much for. Six months later we were shook by significant job loss under false accusations & assumptions. During unemployment, baby #5 came to us fine until 5 days later when he was admitted for 3 weeks to a pediatrics unit where him & I were chained to IV antibiotics around the clock to save him from a ecoli induced UTI induced sepsis infection with a side of bacterial meningitis that they said was so rare, a perfect storm she called it. 

If God had told me in advance, I would have declined the part. It has been a ride, but by God's grace we are still married, alive & in Montana with chickens no less.

I hate moving, but we did it 9 times & I've met so many beautiful souls. I hate pain, but I've had 5 children with the help of modern medicine & they are purifying my soul. Honestly, I look back on the beauty because 1. Old me would not have survived, but I adjusted and that's a testament to grace 2. New me saw the hand of God so many times. With those experiences, I came to know God through my tears. Sometimes I wish we could learn differently, but to say he isn't there even in our mistakes or cant work miracles would be a lie.

The day I came home from the pediatric unit with said baby #5 was the last day of Mr Smith's unemployment & also the day he saved our neighbor Pearl, who we hadn't met yet, who fell outside during that days' snowstorm. Timing was truly divine, even though there was suffering. It was also the first time I was truly grateful for my home.

Something else AI wouldn't know from my history, is that people consider me an extrovert today. Ha, that's the biggest chuckle, when people comment on how social I am. We leave many versions of ourselves throughout time, and while I'm not convinced I'm currently "the best" version of myself in all the ways, I have greater vision, less concern of self & real faith in Jesus Christ. And I'm incredibly grateful for that.