To Live is to Change

I love change. I love variety. I love mixing things up just because I can. It's helpful, but it's kind of a double edged sword.  I'm terrible at consistency, even though Clifton Strengthfinder told me that was my #5 strength (I think they meant something closer to wanting things fair & equitable which isn't wrong). I not only move furniture in & out of my life, or make sure we don't eat the same thing too often... but I love that I can give my kids a flexible education. God knew this is something I would love & has allowed for it even when it comes with significant sacrifices (as many good things do). This has been a beautiful way to grow me over the last 4 years, and I definitely missed it, but I also started to doubt ever doing it again, which felt odd. I found myself questioning why I wanted to take the harder course.

I had a little break with just E & M at home, but now B is back too, so I'm giving up some me time (I was never good at it any way) since transitions always require a lot of mental & emotional work for a bit. We most likely caught influenza A right at the beginning & even had some bouts of throw up to top it off. I thought we would never recover &  I still doubt my house will ever get caught back up. However, a couple of significant things came to be & I could only assume at that point that God was pulling us back in, but it was not easy! 

- We found a similar distance charter that we had in Idaho, one that provides reimbursement of funds with a little accountability / support. One exists in Montana, newly created the year before & I "randomly" found out about it in a facebook post comment in a group I had again "randomly" joined that week. When so many random things add up at once, it's time to take note. I could no longer say woe is me (altho now I need to fight for a distance charter inside our district).

- I had wanted B to get into the Montessori program with her church friends, but she landed far down on the lottery list. D did not have the same social desires for school as his sisters & I knew having her go would help him go. And it wasn't a bad experience; I'm truly grateful for the experiences she got to enjoy, which included recess & collaboration in the classroom. Public schools do some things really well, which we miss when homeschooled. There are also a few significant things they don't and can't do well, and in Becca's case, I felt pulled to have her back. She is sensitive to noise & consistently came home overstimulated & burned out from following so many rules (she is a good rule follower). She became very difficult emotionally, which is also just this age, but it's hard when you're only getting that side of your child, to no real fault of their own.

-  After finding out I could still apply for the charter this year, I prayed asking God to soften D's heart if  pivoting would be a good thing. The next day I talked to him about the idea & he said he would still go, which he was NOT willing to do up until that point (homeschooling him is the wrong kind of energy right now. He needs another point of authority & positive peer pressure. I needed the break to focus on his younger siblings. I told him when he can start listening better at home, then we can reconsider; his consistent resistance removes energy needed elsewhere)

- The positives weren't outweighing the cons for me, but I don't blame any one thing, I think fluidity in education is really important because we are fluid beings, ever changing, but kids especially. I extend that to my life even when all rational thinking tells us kids need structure & routine & sameness. But kids also need adventure, creative free play & risky independance for healthy development. I think we can seek both.

- Homeschooling in MT is not for the faint of heart. Winter is especially isolating, but so is the culture of "we got it ourselves". I'm trying to break down walls here to build a more social community,  but not everyone prioritizes the same. I always tell people co-op groups are necessary, dropping your kids off at least once a week is really important to us, but options are limited here. 

- That said, we are finding a groove after all the illness and negative temp weather & are grateful for our small community. B is enjoying gymnastics, a small history group & an online water color class this month,  museum art classes & a live-online math classes are coming soon (costs covered with charter funds). We can go to the science museum or library or bake in the kitchen when we want. We have found more friends her age & hope to meet up more next month. I'm excited for her to actually learn again, learn more in the gospel, learn more in math & vocabulary... just enjoy feeling challenged & getting to that next level. And I'm hopeful E & B will strengthen their sisterly bond & enjoy adventures & free play again, not getting caught up in what everyone else is or isn't doing. At least for now I'm more on the unschooling approach, which for me just means I'm not bound to any one curriculum. I plan options & implement more activities vs worksheets. We seize the moment when a question arises. But for the record, while I listen to what my kids want, I make the decision at the end of the day. Kids only know what you show them, they can’t always see the big picture. She didn’t want to leave school, and since she is a busy body who remembers all the details, it has taken a transition period to manage our emotions. She also wanted to homeschool so she is just my drama queen who wants it all :)

I really do hate how I don't have more physical skills I can pass down to my kids. I want B to get better at languages, music or sport & I wish I could teach her more. But I have been blessed with the desire & ability & time to be in the moment with them, to guide them elsewhere if need be & watch them & understand more about them so they can better understand themselves & what God needs of them. I do lose my mind in the moments where they all want me at the same time, bicker or hurt each other, make things harder than need be & the list goes on, but like the rest of parenthood, the beautiful moments come & they're grounding & sustaining. They're my people, and they're only little & in my care for so long. I don't want to miss it. And I certainly don't want to waste that time focused on someone else's priorities.

Picture notes: 1. Spelling is sometimes writing words or using stickers, then building the word with puzzle letters, then stepping it out with balance steps. It's best with a friend. 2. We are also doing Friday art time with homeschooling cousins via Facetime. 3.She wants to do more with the ukulele or piano & we are going to work on it at home to see how well she can practice. 4. Gymnastics is a great physical outlet, and we need more this time of year.