This Fall Fell

I guess it's still fall, but it feels like the freakin winter. The one where your bones freeze. And it hasn't even snowed yet. But I love Idaho! Everyone says this, so I even accepted it and made the sign that says Idaho is home. It's "resting" in my home in Idaho (because we haven't hung a single thing on the walls). I've accepted this. I'm embracing it. Because Mr Smith tells me NOW that he got a very clear answer that "this is home". I guess I just need to work on being inspired in the same way. Or maybe it'll come to me differently. We are different people after all. But I'm also still the biggest skeptic in life sometimes. I just feel like I can't be immune from anything. Maybe that's humility, I'm not sure. But it would be nice to find a place that feels like home #lifegoals

I haven't had much photo inspiration as of late. There was a beautiful three week period of orange and yellow leaves that I completely let fall away uncaptured. Obviously written documentation has also faded. I have more hours of the day filled with energy, but somehow they escape pretty quickly; probably by mindless media no less. The errands are dying down, but the house needs constant organization due to two "I like messes" toddlers. So we try to get out where we can. I try to work in the hours allowed, but maybe only 10 hours a week these days, which honestly is a great plus to my sanity. I've re-established some goals 1- be more patient with my children (be nicer). 2- study the Book of Mormon 3-try to straighten up the hour before Mr Smith is typically home. 

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and since I don't seem to be tracking it as much, it's moving along quick enough. I think Lexi mentions it more than I do. And Mr Smith rarely acknowledges it. I'll still just be happy to know WHEN "she" will be here and comforted holding "her". I've done little in preparation, assuming I'll have everything I'll need. I even put off my blood work until this past week. I believe this third child is already coming with a lot of assumptions that I realize I still need to really think about. But the gender will no longer be an assumption next week, hopefully. 

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The kids are growing up fast, and I know I need to document some of their cuteness that may not get captured even in the chatbooks. Like...

Dallin: who starting shrugging his shoulders & flipping his hands & casually grunting "i-uh-oh". Who is actually having conversations with us even if he isn't using sentences yet. I will find him repeating off/on, stop or more & generally trying to copy more (about time). He likes a lot of "b" words like bubbles, bowl, ball, banana, boo and the most oftenly used "buh bye" And he'll also copy hello. He understands so much and is a constant tease. He can melt your heart instantly with his smile. But he gets into cabinets, drawers & the fridge constantly and it slays me. Starting/stopping the dishwasher occurs daily. He might hit with a toy innocently, but painfully. And he still pulls his poor sister's hair. His main sign of frustration are his pinches, which we never do! He hates spankings and will fight back. When I say his name after catching him in an act, he'll put his hands in front of his face to "hide" and sometimes when he hurts me, he'll cuddle to make up for it. He is a touchy kid, even if he doesn't sit still for long. SOMEtimes he'll hug his sister, but she is pretty forgiving a few minutes later either way. He did start a recent naked phase of taking off his clothes, so that's the latest struggle. There are only so many 2 year onesies.

You'll typically see him rolling a car around. He picked up a new love for books. He also loves animals, specifically dogs. And he has a pretty good ball throwing arm.

Lexi: started thinking beauty comes in dresses & makeup and that mine is hers. So we've started those "beauty comes within" and "you have to ask" conversations & I'm not sure we're there yet. She hates having to ask first. She is always saying really sweet things, but also has plenty of moments where she tells me what she won't do. Perhaps my biggest frustration with her is her ability to destroy a room in 10 minutes & ignore rules. As well as a lack of gratitude, which go hand in hand too. Otherwise, she is a pretty helpful, sweet, smart, wants to please 4 year old, especially if you're giving her attention. Seriously, my favorite thing is "yes mam". I'll give her anything she wants then! She is the best to run errands with or take places - always has been. We have definitely come a long way from public fits. She saves those at home in the moments when life is just too hard (to not get TV time or treats). She has so many cute moments being a big sister. I just have to remind her to "ask nicely" and usually he shares. She loves playing with my old American Girl doll. She loves to make her own little house (which involves a bunch of crap & blankets in random places) and all things crafts. She makes friends everywhere she goes still. 

She is also learning to read some basic words now. We hit a wall for a little while because it was challenging, but I think she is slowly getting what reading means & is excited to learn. Kids are funny and remember some of the smallest details from weeks ago, yet the things I repeat every day go in and out =) She may not love challenges, but she sure loves to be one and we can laugh about her sass. Perhaps that's what makes her such a fun, loving child - she doesn't hold a grudge - she just loves to have fun, laugh & explore her world. 

They make me laugh every day. And repeat myself until I'm a mad woman. I'm so grateful God has gifted them to me, to watch them grow every day. I don't always show my gratitude, but I'm working on it (as I type on my keyboard that has black crayon all over it). I just have to remember that this is the phase of life where I'm raising little people who learn by testing their boundaries, who crave to know "what this does" when you push it and who don't know the end from the beginning. If that sounds familiar, then yes, raising children has brought me closer to God's perspective, yet he still gives us the opportunities to learn & he is patient as we repent. I have much to learn from Him.