4th Birthday Letter

My Dearest Alexis, 

You are the light of our lives. Your world of yellow lights up the room. You seriously have the sweetest "motherly" touch with those younger than you, which has evolved over the years. You make other kids feel so loved; I can't tell you how many other mothers tell me how special you made them feel by loving their child even if in a passing moment. I love that you want everyone to be your friend. 

Your current preference is everything art! You love making notes & "projects" and stuffing them in envelopes and watching us open them with such excitement. Your thoughts run deep. Thanks for caring. Thanks for making room for so many in that heart of yours even if we live our days cleaning up scraps of paper off the floor.

We are grateful for your logical mind. Even though you run on emotions, we can always talk you through any situation. Fear is the only thing that holds you back. But you're always willing to try even if it's just a little and it makes us proud. Your anxiety sounds familiar I'm afraid. We love seeing you conquer fears or accomplish hard things. You like having a plan and the day is always easier when you're given room to run within boundaries. You like knowing what to expect. I've recently learned to hug you through the frustrating or sad times in order to lessen the meltdown as well as naming the emotion.

I've definitely felt much push back from your independent nature; you hate to be stifled. You do like to please and make good choices; you're actually decently self-aware, but you like to test me or ignore me when it comes to house rules. I definitely feel like a crazy person repeating myself a million times over and at the end of the day I either hear a long sassy sigh followed by a "Fiiiine" or some sort of negotiation because you're clever. I'm sorry I'm not a great mom in these moments. It's so hard learning to be patient and let go of some control.

Of course I could tell you you're not a morning person, you have always loved your sleep! You're very whiney when you don't get enough. Dad tries to cope you through it with jokes & tickles. Your bad choices leave me endlessly frustrated. You're definitely aware since you almost always hide from me. It's a work in progress to get you to make your brother feel better when you do something to him instead of running away. Y'all are mostly friends though. You're a big help. I know you just want to make him laugh. You just hate when he cries, or loud noises in general. Patience & comfort is a difficult first reaction for us all. 

I get to hear your voice the most for better or worse. And unfortunately, your luck is the same with mine. I love you beyond words, but I know your heavenly parents understand an even deeper love for you that's therefore beyond this world of understanding. Being a parent has helped me see my own flaws more than anything else, but it also gives me the best chance at understanding their love for us. We are in this together. I'm so excited to be by your side, hopefully for eternity if I'm worthy. You're my precious Alexis. I'm honored to be your mother. Don't ever give up the good fight. 

Love you forever, Mom.


PS - For the sake of memory, I think you had a wonderful birthday-day. You woke up to a cooked breakfast by yours truly, you had your swim lesson & then we made it to the end of Emma's party. We tried to stop & get daylight donuts but when they were out, dad took you to play & eat at McDonalds for lunch & then you stopped by Krispie Kreme. I may have gotten annoyed that he got an extra dozen for himself. Sorry about that. We then met up with two friends, Emily & Aria at the jump-play place. Family came over that night for pizza & donuts. Grandma & Grandpa Smith actually opened their mission call over here that night! Brazil needs them! Mom got you a basketball hoop for the door; Dad got you a soccer ball; Grandma Smith got you Shimmer & Shine dolls & Uncle Lance got you the soccer bean bag chair. SPOILED with so much love. We love you Lexi.