When I do have time to write, it's mostly about my children because they are the cute munchkins that change so much so fast and I feel like I'll forget so I'm hopelessly grasping just enough time to let me write it all down for the sake of memory, mostly out of fear. I realize in heaven we'll have a perfect recollection. How amazing would be it be to remember only every single cute moment and never have to repeat any of the awful ones? Like can I repent for yelling or acting like I was 3 today? Can that not be part of the perfect recollection in the next life? Yes, thank goodness for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. My biggest fear in this life is that I don't lean on Him enough.
I've said it repeatedly over the last week, how I realize I hold Lexi to a high standard. Honestly, I'm hoping I have the same standard for all of my children, but the oldest is always "the one who knows more and, therefore, she should act better". I hope I don't break her. I just really need her to be strong. She amazes me so many times a day. She can melt any heart in an instant, but you'll want to pop her a new one when she gets in one of her dictator or the-end-of-the-world-is-near fits simply because she wants you to put on her shoe, never mind that she managed the other one just fine.
It's hard to go out and give her fun experiences just to have her whine in the car and fight me when we get home. How does Our Savior & Heavenly Father love us so much that they watch us choose and even when it's bad, they keep their arms outstretched? Am I ALWAYS someone she can come to? However, I know we're here to teach our children consequences too, just like our Heavenly parents do. The balance of strict consequences but always an outpouring of love is challenging. That's all.
We're mostly out and about these days because there is too much whining and nagging when we spend too much time inside. Lexi still enjoys coloring the most when we're inside, that is when I tell her TV or the Kindle are not options today. I save those for my lazy days or when I need to work, etc... She will entertain Dallin and he is more easily entertained as well now that he can sit for longer periods. They love each other so much, it's wonderful. She loves books. She loves playing games and I was grateful to see daddy jump on board introducing her to Uno Attack. Sometimes I'll sit on the porch holding Dallin and just watch her run around in the yard. The yard that has been blessing us with apples & pears recently.
Our world is pretty nice. We're lucky, but I think we've also been blessed for trying to do our best as well. I'm so grateful for a husband like Mr Smith who seeks the guidance of the Holy Ghost and really is striving to be his best (minus the root beer before bed). I told him I'm worried I'll hold him back. It's hard to keep up with someone like him, but I'm grateful for the high standard, even though he is not perfect. These times are not the time to fall back and swim in shallow waters. There is still time to prepare and stand firm in the gospel of Christ, but we're afraid it will end sooner than most of us are willing to accept.
Our life isn't easy by any means; we're still fighting off those wide mouth student loans, worried about how to spend just enough on material things to get us what we need and plan for the future - currently still renting in a less than ideal neighborhood (even though there are some awesome people/experiences/growth to be had). I want Mr Smith to reach THAT MOMENT in his career. I'd love to see the day where I don't "need" an hourly wage. I'd also love to see the day where Dallin doesn't want to eat in the middle of the night and we have the energy & space to grow our family. But all of that is okay. And any "problem" is a first world issue. How long will our world be this comfortable? Health problems could strike at any time, more than just a root canal. But I worry about knowing the suffering of others: true poverty, war, violence, greed, famine, abuse etc... and watching it happen to my children.
I think the best thing to just note is that if we are prepared, we shall not fear.
Come, O thou King of Kings
We’ve waited long for thee,
With healing in thy wings
To set thy people free.
Come, thou desire of nations, come;
Let Israel now be gathered home.
Come, make an end to sin
And cleanse the earth by fire,
And righteousness bring in,
That Saints may tune the lyre
With songs of joy, a happier strain,
To welcome in thy peaceful reign.
Outings Captured Above:
1. We finally remembered to sign up for the MOA Van Gough class where they teach them something about art in the museum and then they have a half hour for several crafts. We made sure two of her best friends, Emma & Maren came along!
2. A new friend invited us on a playdate to the Thanksgiving Point farm using their pass. Ironically the girls cared most about the ducks and riding the pony of course. That last picture is of Lexi milking a cow! She was all for it - jumped right up & made it in the bucket! (in front of her friend). Making daddy proud! (the willingness to help with future household chores part - don't worry - I'm only a one cow wife). I'm so glad it's chilly enough to fit Dallin into some of his 12 month winter so that it doesn't all go to waste!
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