It's gross. It's funny. It's ridiculous. It's called life with children and the dark abyss with a newborn. I mean there are some sparks of light too, don't get me wrong. But let me share the real truth. Truth that I wouldn't cash in for the world. I choose to live this way. Call me crazy, but they call me mom.
1. Treating your toddler like they have the plague because THE LAST thing you can handle is a newborn who doesn't sleep who ALSO has a cold. I really felt bad because I have an OVERLY touchy toddler who OVERLY touches her brother and I can't say no EVERY time, but they make you want to go "knock it off already" and then that hurts their feelings. I mean, I wouldn't know, just assuming they would feel less than valued. And then I feel guilty and then there goes that mother guilt again... just trying to keep everyone from infection. But then she drink from my water cup with that snotty nose. But that's why I'm glad I breastfeed?!
2. I literally wake up sometimes at 7 AM like "oh my freak how long has this child been laying in my arms" because at 4 AM I couldn't handle the whining of "I hate my cradle mom. I just need to be close to you. mom. mom. mom" or at least I'm pretty sure that's what those baby whines mean. You are so exhausted you can't remember the last few hours. Something today could have happened last week for all I know. Don't ask me about time. I'm living off the clock. Which for me, is death.
3. I woke up a few days ago realizing I never washed the sheets after baby threw up, peed & I'm pretty sure pooped through too (see #2). I mean completely disgusting but I simply forgot and it dried up and the blanket I laid there at 3 AM got moved and please, just come wash my sheets for me. This task is daunting because it requires follow through. That brings me to #4.
4. Laundry exists in the dryer for at least 3 days before we take them out fold, and put them away. Mr Smith loves starting a wash just to leave the dryer full until I get around to it. Just pull out what you need right!? So it doesn't happen until we have wet clothes. We must de-wrinkle things at least twice. I honestly never thought we'd run out of onesies for the little man. But we did.
5. As soon as you're on the phone, the baby wakes up and your toddler decides you have to help her with e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. I literally was on the phone with my boss bouncing the baby in my arms with Lexi glued to my leg. I was like, yeah, I got this, I'm sure she thinks I live at the zoo.
6. Along with #5, as soon as you get comfortable and baby FINALLY caves to his exhaustion on your arm and only on your arm, your toddler must scream out "mom I pooped, come wipe my bum" and you'll think what if just this once she tried, but then you'll think of all the poop you have to clean up later so you risk baby waking up and forgo your dreamy nap because it is only a dream. Perhaps you'll be wiping bums for the rest of your life, it's hard to know. Right now the goal is not to gag.
7. Naptime is precious time. You'll dream of it every hour. But mostly around 4 PM right before dinner when you feel your body crashing. But you have at least 6 more hours until your head hits the pillow. And then it'll be like you're on drugs coming out of a deep sleep trying to know what's real, but the cries ARE real (for now, phantom cries later on are a thing too). He wants to eat. And it has only been two hours. And THEN the hour he is not awake, your toddler will start crying and want to come into bed with you. And then what do you do. Listen to the tears so that tomorrow is a better day or cave so that the half of your brain that woke up can go back to sleep faster. Attachment issues vs crushed spirits. You have to deal with these debates when your mind isn't capable of debating with sanity. You will think you will never sleep again, which isn't true BUT you might as well stay tired for the rest of your life.
8. The room you spent cleaning might be clean, but e.v.e.r.y other room will now be destroyed and there will be that one thing that sets you off that she touched. Or maybe that's just me because I have zero patience and high expectations of a three year old. As if I thought she couldn't just push the chair over and get to it herself when I told her no a billion times. Maybe the space above the cupboards and closets are out of reach, but that's about it.
9. You cannot leave them alone together. You'll think about it because you really have to pee, but she only looks zoned into that TV show. You'll come out and she's trying to pick him up out of the cradle. I mean sometimes she doesn't, it's risk assessment. He was sleeping of course so now he's screaming and needs comfort, which is your boob. You took the risk. You can't pee anymore, not until dad gets home. And that's definitely the case with a shower.
10. You have that conversation about boob milk with your toddler. And they take it at face value because why not? They of course think they can feed too, so you have to explain that. Your husband, doctor and toddler have now seen your boobs. But it's natural, so don't worry too much about scaring them especially when long term memory hasn't set in yet.
11. You will always be late so instead of setting scheduled times you aim for the "ish" unless you set your clock back and start getting ready an hour in advance. Even then, your toddler will start dressing herself and you will compromise instead of dictate if you ever want to leave happily.
12. You're googling everything from poop & sleep phases to how to remove crayon from the wall. You would be a little embarrassed if someone repeated back all your google searches.
12. You're googling everything from poop & sleep phases to how to remove crayon from the wall. You would be a little embarrassed if someone repeated back all your google searches.
13. Then there's the burp cloths on every chair except the one you're feeding on. That yellow poop. All things gassy. That heavy car seat. That internal debate EVERY time of whether it is worth the risk of putting them down while asleep because yes, they sleep best in your arms even when it is dead and sweaty. Oh those hot, tired heads. How we love them and wish that our only job was to hold them.
I could probably go on but I wouldn't want to forget about two sets of kissable cheeks, the little clothes, hearing "I love my brother", watching them sleep, seeing them smile and listening to them laugh. The toddler is so excited about everything and is soaking in the world like a sponge while the other goes along for the ride as long as he is fed. There is no way to deny their sweet spirits entrusted in your care and although the weight of that responsibility can cause enough anxiety for a lifetime, you feel honored, special. I feel like the one they chose to help. I need them just as much as they need me. We're a team, as Lexi would say. We're a family.
Comments
Post a Comment