3 Years of True Love

Yes, three years still sounds like nothing, but at the same time it definitely feels like I remember every day of those three years - sort of like when I remembered every day of Lexi's first year (not because it's bad, just because a whole lot has happened and I feel like a new women because of it, although most likely I haven't changed much). I'm a nostalgic person when it comes to photos - the memories - places, people, things that were said and done (I'm not super sentimental when it comes to physical things).

Our one year anniversary was spent newly pregnant. I was crawling out of a nauseous, coma inducing black hole. Well, it wasn't that bad, but it was the anniversary before the minion. We recently moved to Winston-Salem, NC where Mr Smith started his fellowship. I recently started a new job, the job that would allow us to have 2 incomes for 9 months. It was such a blessing. We were ready for a family if it was part of God's plan, but I wasn't 100% about anything and I just knew it made working extremely difficult in those dark days. But alas, in one year, we moved to a different state, both started new jobs, and we recently found out we were going to be parents. I feel like I handled all the change well, but things were simply falling into place. We spent a lovely dinner together at Olive Garden on a gift card without too many life daunting concerns. So although not super romantic, I feel like we were that couple in the clouds who hadn't quite reached reality of what tough love is, which is illustrated here:

"It's amazing to have that person you can tell everything to. If I could bring anything on my island, it would be Mr Smith. I want you everywhere I go, lover. No adventure is the same without you."

  

Our two year anniversary was spent as new parents. Holy crap life turned upside down, but mostly just for me.  We were both sleep deprived, but again we were starting to find our feet again. We were thrilled to be parents of the cutest baby on the planet. We thought everything about her was perfect. She did become most of what we talked about. In this year, we had a baby, moved again - to Hickory, NC - Mr Smith started a new job (and essentially career path) and I was trying to find my place as a mother. More significant changes, but at this point we are decent movers. We weren't in a permanent home, but it was nice accommodations. I was apprehensive about the move and I was definitely vocal about my concerns.  So we both tested our marriage and woke up a little from the cloud coma. However, we were both accustomed to change and we still enjoyed being on our own and handling life as it happened. We lived two hours from my mother, so she came to babysit while we went out for Thai. I still love and find so much truth in what I said about Mr Smith a year ago:

"He really does make me excited for the future & protected from this crazy world. He is my best friend & that person I can always fall towards. I can't thank him enough for catching me every day & for being a wonderful father to Alexis."

Now looking back on this past year, we managed to move again, this time across the country (so a little more intense) and not all the stars were aligned or dots connected. So now we are in a high stress situation and are relying a lot on faith and each other for emotional support. I wanted to be pregnant, but this time it didn't come quickly for many reasons I assume. I pictured ourselves differently at year three and Mr Smith will tell you that expectations can lead to your emotional downfall, which is true. I know this life is all about preparation and we are definitely willing to accept that fact. I appreciated someone who spoke in church and stated how a good life is lived uphill, and that empowers me.

I'm not sure what we'll do today since the family is recovering from the stomach bug. It honestly doesn't matter to me; I still just enjoy being with him where ever we go, even if we are bickering. So maybe I am still in the clouds because I never like for him to be too far.  I have begun to realize that you have to work hard for a happy marriage because we do take each other for granted. Sometimes I still want to know if he is happy that he picked me. I guess I worry I have changed in ways that aren't always my better self, so it's a comfort to still have those moments of falling in love all over again. It came so easy when we were dating, but as life throws more things our way, I realize what they meant when they said true love means work. You can't just watch HGTV forever. And I hate to mention this, Amy knows it's true, but we lied when we said we loved giving back massages. That was before the joint pain. It's hard to be selfless. And it's hard to give up control.

True love comes from a devotion to God; and in return he blesses us with a glimpse into His view. Nothing beats the warm embrace of a husband who, in a small and simple way, can take away your pain or your toddler who laughs at the simple things. But maybe at 6 years I'll feel like I know a little more and be a little better. But for year number 4, I say this:

Mr Smith is mine forever and always, and for better or worse, we will live the highs and the lows hand in hand, foot in mouth. To this day he is still my rock of support, wisdom and spiritual strength. I love him for being my knight. He's the only one I believe when he tells me "it'll all be okay."