I didn't know that the Sunday lessons this month would be on marriage and family when I wrote that post earlier this week. It was obviously on my mind as I went down to the temple and saw another couple, just like Eric and I were 3 years ago, sealed in the Orlando temple for time and all eternity.
"There is nothing that has come or will come into your family as important as the sealing blessings. There is nothing more important than honoring the marriage and family covenants you have made or will make in the temples of God." - Henry B Eyring
No offense to my parents, but I knew at a young age that I wanted a different story for myself. I wanted a temple marriage first. Maybe I had a mental checklist of the qualities my future husband would have, but after many loves and love nots, I narrowed it down quite a bit. I heard so much advice on who to date that I feel I got to a point several times where I wanted to throw in the towel and give up on understanding anything. I just didn't know if it would ever happen to me. I so desperately wanted to know I would indeed find someone where love was mutual and he was a good, righteous person. But even in my darkest hours, I knew I would wait until I could be married in the temple. I decided to focus on being the person worthy of taking to the temple.
"To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man. Service to others is akin to duty--the fulfillment of which brings true joy." Pres. Thomas S. Monson
It wasn't a new concept, being worthy of a temple marriage, but somehow my perspective changed from when I was a Beehive to being 23 & on my own in a big city with not much to call myself that offered better insight. I had been obedient in the ways I thought I knew and I was just waiting or stalling trying to pretend like a fancy career was what I wanted all along. I naively and proudly thought I was waiting on a husband. The new concept about being worthy of temple marriage was not the qualifying factors of a recommend, but the mindset of what it takes to be a good wife and mother under the covenant. It's a high standard, the highest, and I had to change my attitude to be worthy of the calling - the concept that I have to change the natural man in me every day. Because every day I can find something to be upset or annoyed about. I naturally tend to be pessimistic and lazy. And that doesn't belong in a celestial marriage.
I'm lucky and oh so grateful Mr Smith saw me in my natural state and wanted to marry me. It makes me question his judgment, but I don't think I would have been ready if I was not ready to change myself. And how grateful I am that Mr Smith and I can hold ourselves to higher standards. I used to feel burdened at times from the expectations, but now they are liberating. Our temple marriage gives us the strength and power needed to endure. I'm so grateful I went for the gold.
But it's a mistake for any to assume it's an smooth sailing road from there. I want to be worthy of an eternal marriage with Mr Smith just as much as he wants to be worthy of one with me. It's conditioned upon our faithfulness. So I care about his effort just as much as he does mine; we can't leave each other behind, but it also inspires us to keep up. The difference between a civil marriage and a temple one is the difference between plastic and gold. The latter is bound beyond the grave. And that difference has everything to do with a partnership with God which covenant is only made within temple walls.
"The best choice is a celestial marriage. Thankfully, if a lesser choice has previously been made, a choice can now be made to upgrade to the best choice. That requires a mighty change of heart and a permanent personal upgrade. Blessings so derived are worth all efforts made. […] It requires one to be married to the right person, in the right place, by the right authority, and to obey that sacred covenant faithfully. Then one may be assured of exaltation in the celestial kingdom of God." Russel M Nelson
I do hate the stories of those who didn't stay faithful, of spouses in and out of the temple who abused their potential and harmed their spouse or children in the process. Or those who have yet had the opportunity to marry even though they would want nothing more than to experience those blessings. And even to those who married outside of the temple, but want to take the next step - To any person's story I add this - God knows your heart. We can keep fighting for a righteous temple marriage. Your story is unique. And each person influences their happily ever after.
Some may wonder what's the big deal. An eternal glory one cannot comprehend? All that God has to give? To become even like He is? The stress of being a person worthy of that is not worth those things? I guess I sometimes think I love Mr Smith so much and I love Alexis so much it brings me to my knees at times in tears. Then there is the love God has for me, which is only briefly touched by human understanding and that love makes me want to do all I can and not settle for an easier road or a different road than the one he has laid out. Because I have this knowledge, I want to obey. And is it easy and does it leave me stress free? Absolutely not. But today I will try to be better. Because who I am becoming matters.
"Meanwhile, mortal understandings can make mischief in a marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concerted effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed if each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness." Russell M Nelson
I'm not very good at being selfless. It's a hard lesson in marriage. I offer no concrete solutions (although see ways to show love listed below), but if we are putting God first and our spouse second - honoring our temple covenants - our joy will be so complete in a way we could never experience on our own. I do believe love ages beautifully if we are earnest and faithful to the ordinances and principles of the gospel.
Mr Smith received this in his lesson today, which I enjoyed mostly because I need to work on doing all of these things, (but I have not looked at the scriptures referenced).
10 Ways to Show Love
1. Listen without interrupting (Proverbs 18)
2. Speak without accusing (James 1:19)
3. Give without sparing (Proverbs 21:26)
4. Pray without ceasing (Colossians 1:9)
5. Answer without arguing (Proverbs 17:1)
6. Share without pretending (Ephesians 4:15)
7. Enjoy without complaint (Philipians 2:14)
8. Trust without wavering (1 Cor 13:1)
9. Forgive without punishing (Colossians 3:13)
10. Promise without forgetting (Proverbs 13:12)
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