I put off packing until the last minute because it's so daunting these days. I just didn't want to accept reality, but nonetheless we did it, traveled the distance and came back safety. Thank goodness.
I drove down listening to "The Wedding" which surprisingly made the trip go by pretty quick. Lexi fell asleep 5 minutes into the car (around 6) but we stopped around 730 when she woke and was cranky enough to get gas and let her stretch her legs. She slept off and on until around 10 when she finally crashed. We arrived around 1AM. Happily uneventful.
I'll write some thoughts from the ride (it was a long ride):
My marriage and family class at BYU taught me that there are three main things that couples fight over and, therefore, divorce over. And the divorce rate is at least 50%! Finance. Sex. In-laws. For some, maybe it is all or none, but as much as I thought our first year of marriage was a piece of cake (when they tell you it won't be), I now believe all three will effect every marriage at some point and you will have to conquer the disagreement once or repeatedly.
I find it strange to think anyone prefers to be single in the end. Sure, maybe we enjoy a little independence, but at the end of the day a best friend and a lover is what we dream of having (2in1). When that dream comes, you marry it (those who don't need a kicking). Mr Smith was & is my best friend and he grew into my lover. And I hope it only gets better from here. Not to downplay my attraction to him (obviously I knew he was cute if you remember the story of how we met) but "passion" was never a driving factor for me when we began dating and talked about marriage. Certainly it has a part, but I saw him for the husband and father he would be. I thought we together could conquer anything. (Although now I realize we would probably kill each other if we ever did something like the amazing race). It just made sense and I was never more sure of anything the longer we dated; I was going to marry him.
Religion has only helped Mr Smith and I. People always asked me if I was only "allowed" to marry a Mormon. Ignoring their assumption that I don't have free agency, I would respond with No, but it certainly helps me be who I want to be. Because Mr Smith was an active and faithful member, we had the same foundation of beliefs and way of living. I also knew I would only be married in the temple and I wanted my husband to have the same expectations. It's the difference between a plastic spoon and a gold spoon. But still, little things happen that become big things. Or you make them big things because it's marriage and that just happens especially when you're a type A control freak. So how do you handle a hiccup? You read articles from or talk to people who have a lot of advice to give. Well, if you are a girl that is what you do. If you are a guy, you wait until your wife comes around or if it is something you are willing to apologize for, you hope that alone will work. Even when you have no clue what the apology is for. But we will catch you so just apologize and mean it already.
Mostly, both of you will think you're right and you're to prideful or stubborn to let it go. We like to be right. Mostly, it's probably a game of better or best. You both are probably right in a way. And you just like your way best. Sometimes Mr Smith kills me with how he knows (not just thinks) he is always right. But we can't be afraid to voice our concerns to each other. During our first year of "easy" marriage, communication came easy to me. But it gets trickier. Although I still think our marriage is pretty easy, I see where things can go wrong or I am more aware of the relationships around me.
After listening to some of "The Wedding" on the way down to FL, my mom had to fill me in on the ending on the way back since I didn't feel like finishing it. It sparked these thoughts (along with talking to the bride's mom) - just because in the end - I feel like remembering a date like an anniversary is nothing to cry over. But that's just it, for her it was. At least that day. And he didn't poke fun of her for caring about something perhaps he didn't hold worthy of tears. He was only disappointed in himself for disappointing her and he lived the next year making up for it. To me, he was selfless and thoughtful and wanted to win back her love, even the idea that it was gone.
Basically, the love can't die. Lust quickly fades, but genuine love holds on till the last breathe. Genuine love may want the last word, but it is selfless and at the end of the day, hangs up the pride.
Sometimes, we just need our feelings recognized and not necessarily fixed. (But by all means hit the big issues on the head). Sometimes we can stop teaching or fixing the other side and just recognize how lovely they are. I think people who feel lovely become lovelier all on their own.
Comments
Post a Comment