Happy Wife, Happy Life, Or Not

So I have been sitting on this post for awhile, which isn't like me. I normally post and go back and edit later. (That's the impatient side of me). I had something to say, but was afraid people would read too much into it. Basically, I didn't want people assuming I have marriage problems. We do, but they are probably like yours. I.e. relationships and understanding another person as completely as your spouse is hard. So, once I read this post, I decided that was the equal sentiment that gave me the push to share.
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"Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." We are all trying to understand that identity and purpose. We are trying to understand how we can balance the divine nature and destiny within us all. "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ."

 - To wives who don't want to feel alone and husbands who need to hear it -

I know you want the best for each other. And perhaps we add humor with phrases like "Happy Wife, Happy Life" - we laugh because we hate that that is true. But those sayings only justify a one-sided relationship, which is not a fruitful one. However, I do want to side with the ladies when it comes to this:

I feel we have been trained to think emotions are a weakness. And maybe they are 50% of the time. It totally depends on the person and the situation. Sometimes I overreact because I tend to be too emotional. Sometimes I understand the logic, but I allow the emotion to overthrow it, just for a moment. Just give me a moment to let it sink in. That doesn't make me a crazy person.

Women hear it all the time from men. “You’re overreacting,” we tell them. “Don’t worry about it so much, you’re over-thinking it.” “Don’t be so sensitive.” “Don’t be crazy.” It’s a form of gaslighting — telling women that their feelings are just wrong, that they don’t have the right to feel the way that they do. Minimizing somebody else’s feelings is a way of controlling them. If they no longer trust their own feelings and instincts, they come to rely on someone else to tell them how they’re supposed to feel.

Because honey, sometimes I can let my emotions win. And I'm not going to apologize for it or feel the need to dive down deep into my soul and genetics and change my emotions. I don't think emotions are a sin. I don't think emotions are always a weakness. Sometimes I think emotions give me my strength. Sometimes emotions connect me to reality and the divine. It helps me identify the good from the bad. But men just use the word crazy.

"Except what we’re really saying is: “She was upset, and I didn’t want her to be.”

Many men are socialized to be disconnected from our emotions — the only manly feelings we’re supposed to show are stoic silence or anger. We’re taught that to be emotional is to be feminine. As a result, we barely have a handle on our own emotions — meaning that we’re especially ill-equipped at dealing with someone else’s.

And you can afford a few tears or pieces of passion and love in your bucket. Nothing is wrong with that. You should be able to smile just because you feel good or cry just because something feels bad. Even if you don't know what's wrong or how to fix it. Perhaps nothing even needs to be fixed. Perhaps, I don't need a solution. I just need to feel desired.alive.involved.valued. And if I don't, it should not be all my fault. Sure, I can do a lot of things to feel happy. I can do them. I can do it all if I need to.  I choose to control who I am. I get it. Don't rub that in my face. Because when I am with you, I am not alone. I am in a partnership, one that lives on, past this finite mortal existence. And for that to be complete and happy, I need you more involved in how I feel. I need you. Not to apologize that I feel, but that you have some say in it. And I don't want to feel needy about needing you. I am not petty.

I am your wife. your lover. your best friend. And I am logical, practical, realistic, cynical, sarcastic, and sometimes emotional & a hopeless romantic. Even if my memory deteriorates pretty quickly, problems unresolved always resurface and that only causes more confusion. Mama breaks. We are used to hearing our emotions are a weakness so we shrug them aside when we can, until we break. Until they crash through the flood gates and we're both standing there like what.just.happened. But I know what happened, I'm telling you what will happen if we keep adding humor to real wounds.

But for all those times where my emotions are not controlled well... For all those times where my emotions never see logic and my temper never sees temperament. I am sorry. My weaknesses are not ever justified in those moments where I make things worse and deprive you of the love you so rightfully deserve. For all those times when I should have been stronger, when I should have bridled my tongue and controlled my unfounded emotion, I seek your patience.

I don't really like those phrases "happy wife, happy life." Because I want you happy too. I cannot be happy knowing you are not. All I want is to be the best wife and mother I can be. I feel incredibly guilty for seeking self appreciation. I never want to ask for it or explain how I need it. I don't want to ask too much. I know that a relationship works best when both sides balance each other. 

And most importantly, we are not the only two involved. We only exist by a power greater than our own. And our purpose, our divine purpose on this earth, is for us to grow our children. But they need us, both of us, to reach their full potential. And that is not a mission where we can afford to be weak minded.

I love you, wifey