Love & Work

I'm grateful for people who get it.

Also, I really like this list of 100 ways to make your marriage rock.

Truth be told, my father was not the romantic type. He was a typical, literal, man. 

Mr Smith's least favorite parts are the ones filled with emotion and decor. He likes things literal too.

No poetry. No candles. No composed love song. No hidden messages.

But I saw my mom, like me, trying not to expect much (whether or not we could appreciate the men we married for their other, more important qualities or we literally don't expect much), but wanting just a little something special. To feel the electricity again. And that's what I'm calling romance. Anything that brings you two closer together or that says "hey I care". It's spiritual, physical, mental and dare I say it, emotional. It's "uplifting"

{how exciting things are when we first meet. our first touch. the mystery. the restraint}

I'm not great at it, but even a girl like me wants to keep a relationship excitable. And I don't want to feel guilty for being a semi hopeless romantic. For having separate needs. Needs that you shouldn't have to beg for. I'm not a silly girl, so this is my ode to women in long term relationships who still want the passion to extend past the first year. Because we love our men and we love our marriage but excitability does fade, it fades with the stressful jobs and career moves. It fades with demanding children. It just fades because the mystery is revealed and we take the constant companionship for granted.

But I don't want to have my children leave the house and feel like they were my only relationship.

We kept hearing marriage is hard work, but we never understood it. Staying in a happy, enjoyable, excitable marriage is hard work. That's what they meant. Because we are constantly changing and evolving beings. We married a soul who changes. Those souls have good moments and bad moments, but those souls are now connected to you and it's when we let the connection get wider {when we let static fill the space} that people all of a sudden use the phrase "we just grew apart." It's a bad excuse for laziness and stubbornness. You stopped getting to know your spouse. You assumed they would not change. You assumed they need not become perfected.

We want relationships to be easy. We want people to ask for help when it's convenient for our schedules or pocket book. We want to accomplish all these things and in our own way that we get frustrated when there is no room for flexibility. But we create our schedules. We make them pliable or rigid. We set expectations with one, fallible mind. We don't like giving up control. We don't like to stop, look them in the eye, and be the person they need. When we live for ourselves, we grow apart from every relationship that matters. 

But then we feel guilty when we want something for ourselves, because someone isn't caring for our needs. Someone dropped the ball in listening to you, so you try to keep being the listener but you pick up your ball too. It's a hard thing to do. It's a hard thing to do happily. And you shouldn't have to. You shouldn't be the only one willing to. You then become bitter and full of grudges.

Because loneliness is hard, but it's harder when you aren't alone.

Sometimes I drop the ball with Mr Smith. And sometimes he drops it with me. But we can always pick it back up. We can always try to live for someone else. That is what Christ showed us after all.