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She Made Me Whole

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I'm so tired. If I wanted to, I could start every blog post like that. I don't know when the dark circles will ever go away, but maybe that's okay. It means even on the hardest, sleepless nights, I have a daughter to comfort & love. It means even with the sometimes frustrating & oversimplified tasks of keeping her stimulated during the day, I have a daughter who wants me & wants to learn & is growing. I have a daughter. And even when I poke fun of my fluffy, stretched stomach, evidence of love & selflessness & godliness is ever before me. This is the best gift I could have ever received. The chance to be a mother. {being married to Mr Smith is of course number one}

I wanted to say that because I want to overshadow every comment I have ever made about the struggle of motherhood & pregnancy woes. I don't like to bottle up my discontent. I have never been good at keeping my discomfort to myself. I just like reality. Reality is that it's hard. And reality is that parenthood is always worth it. 


I feel like this blogger said it best - and it really sums up everything I have/had been feeling: "If anything, I was ruined by the world before I knew her & she made me whole again."




However, I don't think I have reason to be tired at this stage in the game.

So that's my current problem. There is nothing I should be able to whine about. But in my head, I feel like I'm still whining because I feel like I'm not filling any holes. Life is happening around me & I'm sitting here. 

I want more meaning in my life {don't go thinking motherhood doesn't give me meaning} I'm simply stating that I know I should and could be doing more. But organizing that "more" seems overwhelming to me. That is the only hard part. How to organize my life -right now- so that the word "meaningful" is maxed out.  

 Because let's face it, with one child who naps 3 times a day &  is pretty easy going - I've got plenty of time to fill up my "I'm here for a purpose" bucket. I don't want to just be a physical body that gave birth so therefore I am a mother.

I want to be a mother just as much as I want to be a wife. Someone who is graceful, organized & efficient. Someone who stays in shape & eats healthy. Someone who is flexible with the curve balls & patient with variation. Someone who teaches & is teachable. Someone who serves without complaint & loves without judgment.

So, where to be begin . . .

Maybe this: Baby Activity List
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