Skip to main content

She Made Me Whole

By
I'm so tired. If I wanted to, I could start every blog post like that. I don't know when the dark circles will ever go away, but maybe that's okay. It means even on the hardest, sleepless nights, I have a daughter to comfort & love. It means even with the sometimes frustrating & oversimplified tasks of keeping her stimulated during the day, I have a daughter who wants me & wants to learn & is growing. I have a daughter. And even when I poke fun of my fluffy, stretched stomach, evidence of love & selflessness & godliness is ever before me. This is the best gift I could have ever received. The chance to be a mother. {being married to Mr Smith is of course number one}

I wanted to say that because I want to overshadow every comment I have ever made about the struggle of motherhood & pregnancy woes. I don't like to bottle up my discontent. I have never been good at keeping my discomfort to myself. I just like reality. Reality is that it's hard. And reality is that parenthood is always worth it. 


I feel like this blogger said it best - and it really sums up everything I have/had been feeling: "If anything, I was ruined by the world before I knew her & she made me whole again."




However, I don't think I have reason to be tired at this stage in the game.

So that's my current problem. There is nothing I should be able to whine about. But in my head, I feel like I'm still whining because I feel like I'm not filling any holes. Life is happening around me & I'm sitting here. 

I want more meaning in my life {don't go thinking motherhood doesn't give me meaning} I'm simply stating that I know I should and could be doing more. But organizing that "more" seems overwhelming to me. That is the only hard part. How to organize my life -right now- so that the word "meaningful" is maxed out.  

 Because let's face it, with one child who naps 3 times a day &  is pretty easy going - I've got plenty of time to fill up my "I'm here for a purpose" bucket. I don't want to just be a physical body that gave birth so therefore I am a mother.

I want to be a mother just as much as I want to be a wife. Someone who is graceful, organized & efficient. Someone who stays in shape & eats healthy. Someone who is flexible with the curve balls & patient with variation. Someone who teaches & is teachable. Someone who serves without complaint & loves without judgment.

So, where to be begin . . .

Maybe this: Baby Activity List
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And so it begins, again

By
At what point do you ... 1. Keep holding on waiting for inspiration to come 2. Try something different 3. Let go & walk away I'd say most of us are usually somewhere in between #1 & #2, but there are occasional moments where I find myself locked into another Jane Austin film with some oreos & milk ignoring reality all together.  Today, I'm trying to rise above some level of complacency & clear my mind at your expense. Mr Smith & I had a good run of it, but since blogs became obsolete in 2017 while Instragram chained us all to algorithms, I had no audience nor desire to write in this world. But times change, after it murders our souls, and alas we are famished for an authentic keyboard with less distractions again. So, let's catch up. They say it comes in threes... Since our job change in 2017, we experienced three more moves, three additional job changes (that don't necessarily align with the moves), and three additional children.  2018-2022 were ver...
3 comments
Read more

Breaking Silence for Religion

By
I've never been good at being concise. I like words too much. I think outloud. And I haven't had time to blog all these conversations & posts & mental thoughts and it's eating at me to write it all down, to get it out there. These are some words that no one understands anymore: love, tolerance, faith, forgiveness, covenants, judgment, respect, moderation, self-worth, humility, equality...at least if they say they do, I wouldn't believe them. In truth, I think we should be forever understanding what these words mean. Yet I hear people affirming over & over again in their actions & with their voice that they want to be right and they want you to know it & accept the choices they're making. So much for democracy & freedom. They might say "to each his own" but I'm not idealistic anymore, people don't really believe that.  I reference "the world" a lot. Let's clarify what I mean. We can start with Holly...
Post a Comment
Read more

Will We Seek Jesus?

By
God expects us to hold happiness and sorrow at the same time. It’s a beautiful contrary that many of us struggle to understand, but it’s really key to understanding our purpose on earth. We can easily find ourselves in a battle of emotions if we can’t accept that both can exist at the same time; we will falsely accuse ourselves or others as either ungrateful & weak, or overly strong & fake. Perhaps a lot of it is how we speak to the struggle.  Our main purpose is to experience heartache & frustration (one side of the coin), but to overcome it through the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which provides everlasting joy (the other side of the coin). In order to really value the Atonement of Jesus Christ, many of us are humbled by the feeling of hopelessness. We will all experience some level of loss & acute awareness of our own weaknesses, usually when things start to feel out of our control. But what does holding both sorrow & joy look like? That is a quest...
2 comments
Read more