Remembering Nana

her first time holding you

love her.

the last picture I took with her

I remember you happy. hopeful. and full of love.

Dearest Lexi, 

I want you to remember how wonderful your great grandmother - Tina Revis Looper (Nana) - was.   And what her sweet spirit still is. I don't want you to forget how much she loved you & how she just wanted to hold you. She loved to see you smile & laugh. Even though you are small now, please grow to know she adored you & wants to see you succeed in this life.  I know that's what she wanted for me & everyone else around her. You were wonderful in her eyes. Nana was proud of her family.  And we loved Nana. The hardest part about having her gone, is having to admit we have to live without her. She is now with Papa, a man I would give anything for you to meet one day. Those two, reunited once more, will light the heavens on fire. I'm so excited for them.

They were a great example to me for the perfect kind of love. The kind that was made by two imperfect people who loved God first & served Him by serving others. They are a powerful couple. They made it. They stuck through it all. It's hard to live on this earth without your best friend; so I'm happy, happy she is with him again. And that her body is no longer slowing her down. She is now your angel on the other side. And we all have the chance to be together again because families can be together forever, and that's the best part. But we cry for a time because it's hard to see the bigger picture right now. It's hard for us to see tomorrow because it's easier to miss what we had yesterday (or the days when she wasn't so sick, when her body wasn't holding her back). It's hard to know that beautiful lady in the kitchen, the one that got up at the crack of dawn to prepare your breakfast, the one that planned Thanksgiving dinner weeks in advance and had something for everyone, that she won't be there. not yet. But I butter my toast like she did, now. And I think of her every time. And I smile. Well, today I cried.

Because it's hard not to cry over that kind of love taken from us. You're afraid you'll forget. So I write this so you will remember the Nana we once had in the kitchen, and there at graduation, the one who hugged you in all white, the one who told you everything was going to be okay, the one who did more than she talked about.  And a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother - were her best titles. She made sure no one was left out - that everyone was cared for - that you weren't forgotten. I even got Valentines cards from her. She only ever signed them Nana. She wasn't one to write too much, but I wish you could hear her tell you a story. Like the icecream one. Or the lake monster one. She has had her share of travels over the years, but she always preferred her back porch. Everyone preferred her back porch. She always made everyone feel welcomed, and they were. She listened. She laughed. She'd tell you if you were out of line. She'd laugh at you and with you. And even if she couldn't hear you, she'd take your side.  I didn't always realize how funny she was because she was always busy doing things when people were talking. But when she talked, you listened. Just like Papa. Even when she held her tongue, you could usually tell what she was thinking by looking at her facial expressions. She cracked me up. Her wink let you know everything was alright. No need to make a fuss she'd say.

I never really appreciated family history until now. I hate to think the next generation won't know what great, loyal, honorable, hard working, faithful men & women went before them. I hate to think I wasn't there to hold on to every last ounce of time they both had left, but I cherish the memories of others as well. My brother, named after Papa, was there when Papa took his last breath. It was my brother's birthday. He was in the other room singing him happy birthday. I just learned this today. Sweet, sweet memories. Nana passed away in the same home they shared all those years and gave her last breath just as her twin sister walked in the room.  I know this because my mom was there too. God is sweet to us all. Their time here was complete. And we need all the angels we can get for what lies ahead.  

Her example as a wife & mother and even as a woman will continue to inspire me. It has shaped who I want to become. Modest. Devoted. Full of Service & Love. Hard Working. Faithful. And of course, Classy. Stubborn & Opinionated. She was a rock & one I will continue to lean on until my time is done.

Because it's never really over. It never really ends. We just gain a different perspective.

*I can't wait until we meet again, my beautiful grandmother. There are no walkers or breathing machines in heaven. No cancer or radiation. Not even deafness or diabetes to worry about. You, my dear, will be whole again. And to that we live for. These are all but small moments now. They only made you stronger, better and more worthy of all that God has to offer.*

- Randy & Tina -

my dad & his mom (Nana) 1976