Love is All We Need

So I think I have been a little moody this past month, ever since  the move really. Some days I'm fine, but other days I let myself wallow in self pity, and I then i hate on myself because I know I am so lucky. It's a twisted world and to each his own. I know I was struggling to count my blessings. Instead i was stacking up all the reasons to be annoyed and unhappy. Who are we? After church today, I realized I have been pushing away the spirit with my bad heart. Some of it has to do with how I am filling my time, but I know I have always struggled with a glass half empty attitude. I have a loyal, supportive husband, the cutest daughter, a nice home to live in, the love of many family & friends, & my health. Why on earth do I have a droopy attitude? It's affecting my marriage and probably my daughter when I let it take over and it's the last thing I want. Patience and a controlled tongue is a lot of work. Maybe it's because I feel like no one can understand, which is also stupid. I'm sure I shouldn't  beat myself up for wanting certain things to be a little different but it doesn't do any good to be ungrateful for my many blessings right now. I guess I hate to admit I am that person who wants what I want immediately. And I want things done my way, so when change comes that I don't expect, my first reaction is always horrible.

So moving to hickory and trusting my husband with a career change has been an adjustment. I'm so glad he is happy and I was willing to go where he had the best work opportunity, but I just didn't expect it. I didn't have control and for some reason I struggled with that even though I tried to not care. He trusted that it was the best decision and at the time, the cards didn't stack up for me. I struggled to accept that it was just me and Lexi for 14 hours a day, but at least I get to stay at home with her, ya know? That's awesome! I know things will work out but I let myself take a back seat on some things and I guess that is difficult for me. Instead of being independent, I'm a dependant. But I was just letting myself get caught up in semantics. My role is to be a supportive wife and mother. I want to be that. But I'm also not good at hiding my feelings.

I struggle to even let Mr Smith explain something because I would explain it differently. He gets frustrated when I move his stuff into my logical place, but I get annoyed that I have to clean up the home for all these  last  minute showings. I want to move, but he doesn't. And that's, I guess, the bickering of an average married couple. 

I got my computer back so I am playing catch up again. I lost my blog books & am pretty disappointed for the hours I lost putting it together. Mr Smith really wants me to order them & I am exhausted at the thought of starting over. But sometimes, it's just what we need to do. I also may have lost several pictures from our first year of marriage, so I'm kinda glad I blog. And it will be great to have these records bound in a book one day. $232, our desktop is functioning again. A lot of that I owe to my husband. So maybe there was stress involved & maybe I added to it, but at the end of the day, it is him who hugs me & I who nuzzles him. And for that I am grateful.

I almost lost pictures like these...