First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then...

a baby carriage?
1 month ago, I wrote this...


While I Was Sleeping...

So it turns out, you get really really tired during your first trimester. I know what you're thinking, who on earth is in their first trimester - besides everyone on Facebook - me. 

*freak out. get out. what the heck. I knew it. the cutest baby ever*

Don't get all ahead of yourself. It's the size of a bean and it just got rid of its tail. Not much to hold and cuddle, but it is causing some chaos let me tell you, which btw I can't. 

Because I'm only 8 weeks tomorrow.
However, it already seems like I'm on week 20.
It creeps. The little alien creeper is creepin. 

To all those who were waiting for me to come back from the grave, here I am. Unless we're talking metaphorically and my bed is the grave, because remember? I am tired often. It's like my growth spurt years except this is less than a year and my stomach is growing this time. Ugh it's agonizing. 

You know when you get a cold and want to rip off your head? Well try having a 24/7 stomach ache. You'll want to rip out your stomach and then you'll remember you have a baby in there and you're like oh... I won't do that. I don't want to be one of those...mothers.

I give moms props. They always said it was hard, but everyone focuses on the actual birth part, but let's go back to the beginning. People shouldn't forget. And they should be more open to expression because bottling up my discomfort is like a suffocating bag. So don't  take me for a weakling (although I am), so many people have babes and I feel like too many are too strong and keep it in.
That's not me.

Conceptually it's the best thing ever, a blessing, a miracle, etc...I'm very grateful

So it all started when yep, you guessed it, I missed my period. I took a test, but nothing was really there. I didn't see the blue line. A little bit of relief/disappointment.
Emotions are a weird thing.

But a week later, something still felt different.
(the fact that I had to pee what seemed like every hour)

Needless to say, the second test (which I kept putting off) colored itself pretty quickly.  Eric was watching TV and after not hearing anything came in to check on me. So I guess my cheers of elation were covered in silence and then enamored in tears of fear. 

Why you ask? I started work that Monday, luckily my 6th week of pregnancy. I was petrified 1) I'd be throwing up my first week & 2) it just looked bad for the beginning of a new job.

Yes baby, I cared more about my employer's feelings than your entrance. I was pitiful, but I had to find the negative first. It's just like a happy dose of reality that is really confusing at first. You wonder if it's really possible. I didn't believe it. I couldn't even say the words "I'm pregnant." 

Eric just came in and gave me a big hug. He laughed at my tears of course, and told me everything would be just fine. And I believed him. 

Until Wednesday came and I could hardly pull myself out of bed. The nausea has been omnipresent ever since. I only threw-up once though, and that's a blessing from heaven. Mr Smith has been praying for me and boy do I appreciate his faith. 

It's probably all lost when I fuss at him for doing this to me. I wish we could share the stomach aches. But in a way we do. I haven't really cooked but maybe 2-3 meals in the 3 weeks I've been working. He went to the grocery store for the first time by himself (albeit to get ice cream), he cleans up almost every time, does the laundry, gets me water, and tries to cook. I give him mean, nasty looks when he tells me it's all in my head. I think I'm going to be the bipolar pregnant lady. 

It'll be more real on Monday (3 days) when we have the ultrasound. I'm scared that nothing exists and it's all in my head. I know you'd be excited for us if you knew. I'm not sure when we'll tell you, but I'm so excited/nervous for Monday and that'll keep me going for another week.

P.S. All symptoms aside, I'm very excited. You just can't tell at the moment.

Three Days Later . . .

The heartbeat = the best thing ever. 
I seriously could have sat there all day watching it.
The big head is obviously from Mr Smith.

One Month Later...
I'm finally starting to see the light. And-I'm-a-snack-whore.
I'm so excited to start blogging about my baby.
My baby.
Oh that is just so weird.
I probably cry over every country song that involves babes
and babies growing up. I really hope I don't do anything to screw it up.

PS - Sorry I didn't get dressed up all cute and take a picture with Mr Smith holding a cute little announcement sign. 1) I would have to pull Mr Smith's teeth out 2) I'm just not feeling like the photogenic type. We'll work on it.

PPS - For the record, Mr Smith doesn't think you need to know. But he would probably wait until the child is born. I want to tell you what's REALy going on.