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100 percent

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I think it takes a lot for me to be completely comfortable around you.
To say I'm even comfortable around you may even take a stretch. 

Any way, I freak out and get anxious over 90% of things. I'm not even sure what I would put in the 10% category.  I'm confident if no one else is watching. I'm resilient only when I work it out alone. I always hesitate and ramp up my sarcasm times 10 if I know I'm about to start something I will not be perfect at.  It takes so much of myself not to run away. I hate that. I hate the fear of humiliation, even when it doesn't matter. I have always cared too much about what other people think. I think that's why I've never had a problem leaving my past.  If they aren't there, they don't know, and I have free reign on my own life creations. But then I got married and he is always there. Which is amazing. Miracle, anyone? 

It's weird (slash mind-blowing & amazing & uncanny) when you find that person you're 99% comfortable with. I don't think I can confidently say 100% yet. That's a little too absolute for my personality. Plus any time he threatens to tickle me I will forever freak out.

Whether it's myself, or him, or a complete red neck stranger, I don't want to worry. I don't want to be anxious. I just want to have fun and let myself have fun. I'm probably not going to be awesome at 99% of the things I do. But I'll find that 1% and I'll own it. 

And gosh darn it I'll have a lover that will be there no matter what. 
how-lucky-am-i

{I think it's just better for us both if I'm less anxious all the time}


You could also say that I could be 50% at the 99% of things I do, and maybe that's not so bad. I'm human and will forever be human without the grace of my Savior. Mr Smith always says his 50% is better than most people's 100% . . . I'll always give him a look, but he really is awesome.

So any way, finding/accepting/starting a job makes me anxious.  
And I'm not sure when I'll overcome this current lesson.

I also suck at frisbee golf. My husband happens to be great. 
Next date, I think we should try something neither one of us has tried before.
OR we can play frisbee golf until I'm awesome, okay fine. It is free.



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