Skip to main content

sitting on the dock of the bay

I wish I could explain it in words. Do you ever do that thing where you're listening to your ipod and you're surrounded by strangers and you're walking slow or standing still, so it seems, the world is just passing you by or is frozen. Again, my words may be failing me, but for a second, or a minute you're perfectly fine knowing you are found by everything that matters, but shadowed by bodies who know you no different than a blue pea coat and Sperry shoes. 

I still remember sneaking out of our hotel that night in Geneva and taking my walk to the docks. It was near sun down and I was a little anxious due to the vulnerable position I could easily find myself in, a single young lady in a country foreign to her natural language, but I reveled in the thought that I was alone, yet I didn't have the feeling of loneliness. It was exciting to sit on the closed cafe steps and watch the street walkers pass me by. They didn't know I was a Mormon college student on tour just for the week staring at their fancy scarves, listening to their fancy accents telling them I wanted to be alone, but wasn't lonely.

Most days I'm good with the current situation, but I think I'll forever have my dreams whisper the songs of the eastern lands to my soul.  No one can leave America without their heart decidedly bringing them back home, but sometimes - you just want to see what else is out there - touch it, breathe it, and love it.  Mr Smith and  I will travel someday. Until then, we just need a really good book list.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

And so it begins, again

At what point do you ... 1. Keep holding on waiting for inspiration to come 2. Try something different 3. Let go & walk away I'd say most of us are usually somewhere in between #1 & #2, but there are occasional moments where I find myself locked into another Jane Austin film with some oreos & milk ignoring reality all together.  Today, I'm trying to rise above some level of complacency & clear my mind at your expense. Mr Smith & I had a good run of it, but since blogs became obsolete in 2017 while Instragram chained us all to algorithms, I had no audience nor desire to write in this world. But times change, after it murders our souls, and alas we are famished for an authentic keyboard with less distractions again. So, let's catch up. They say it comes in threes... Since our job change in 2017, we experienced three more moves, three additional job changes (that don't necessarily align with the moves), and three additional children.  2018-2022 were ver...

Breaking Silence for Religion

I've never been good at being concise. I like words too much. I think outloud. And I haven't had time to blog all these conversations & posts & mental thoughts and it's eating at me to write it all down, to get it out there. These are some words that no one understands anymore: love, tolerance, faith, forgiveness, covenants, judgment, respect, moderation, self-worth, humility, equality...at least if they say they do, I wouldn't believe them. In truth, I think we should be forever understanding what these words mean. Yet I hear people affirming over & over again in their actions & with their voice that they want to be right and they want you to know it & accept the choices they're making. So much for democracy & freedom. They might say "to each his own" but I'm not idealistic anymore, people don't really believe that.  I reference "the world" a lot. Let's clarify what I mean. We can start with Holly...

Will We Seek Jesus?

God expects us to hold happiness and sorrow at the same time. It’s a beautiful contrary that many of us struggle to understand, but it’s really key to understanding our purpose on earth. We can easily find ourselves in a battle of emotions if we can’t accept that both can exist at the same time; we will falsely accuse ourselves or others as either ungrateful & weak, or overly strong & fake. Perhaps a lot of it is how we speak to the struggle.  Our main purpose is to experience heartache & frustration (one side of the coin), but to overcome it through the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which provides everlasting joy (the other side of the coin). In order to really value the Atonement of Jesus Christ, many of us are humbled by the feeling of hopelessness. We will all experience some level of loss & acute awareness of our own weaknesses, usually when things start to feel out of our control. But what does holding both sorrow & joy look like? That is a quest...