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To Live is to Change

I love change. I love variety. I love mixing things up just because I can. It's helpful, but it's kind of a double edged sword.  I'm terrible at consistency, even though Clifton Strengthfinder told me that was my #5 strength (I think they meant something closer to wanting things fair & equitable which isn't wrong). I not only move furniture in & out of my life, or make sure we don't eat the same thing too often... but I love that I can give my kids a flexible education. God knew this is something I would love & has allowed for it even when it comes with significant sacrifices (as many good things do). This has been a beautiful way to grow me over the last 4 years, and I definitely missed it, but I also started to doubt ever doing it again, which felt odd. I found myself questioning why I wanted to take the harder course. I had a little break with just E & M at home, but now B is back too, so I'm giving up some me time (I was never good at it any ...
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I care about you

I don’t care about your crumbs or your disheveled mess. I care about you.  I don’t care that you yelled at your kids or that you are running late. I care about you. I don’t care that the baby is crying or that there are dirty diapers on the floor. I care about you. I don’t care that you don’t have any children. I care about you. I don’t care that your marriage is difficult or easy or non existent. I care about you. I don’t care that you don’t share the same religious beliefs as me. I care about you. I don’t care that all you accomplished today was taking a shower. I care about you. I don’t care that you didn’t take a shower. I care about you. I don't care that you make different choices from me. I care about you. I care about you and am not blind to a mess or differences at some level but it's not my focus; I know how many variables go into our choices & I'm here to help wherever you’re at. What do you want & how can I help you get there? A quote from Dr Finayson-Fi...

Will We Seek Jesus?

God expects us to hold happiness and sorrow at the same time. It’s a beautiful contrary that many of us struggle to understand, but it’s really key to understanding our purpose on earth. We can easily find ourselves in a battle of emotions if we can’t accept that both can exist at the same time; we will falsely accuse ourselves or others as either ungrateful & weak, or overly strong & fake. Perhaps a lot of it is how we speak to the struggle.  Our main purpose is to experience heartache & frustration (one side of the coin), but to overcome it through the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which provides everlasting joy (the other side of the coin). In order to really value the Atonement of Jesus Christ, many of us are humbled by the feeling of hopelessness. We will all experience some level of loss & acute awareness of our own weaknesses, usually when things start to feel out of our control. But what does holding both sorrow & joy look like? That is a quest...

And so it begins, again

At what point do you ... 1. Keep holding on waiting for inspiration to come 2. Try something different 3. Let go & walk away I'd say most of us are usually somewhere in between #1 & #2, but there are occasional moments where I find myself locked into another Jane Austin film with some oreos & milk ignoring reality all together.  Today, I'm trying to rise above some level of complacency & clear my mind at your expense. Mr Smith & I had a good run of it, but since blogs became obsolete in 2017 while Instragram chained us all to algorithms, I had no audience nor desire to write in this world. But times change, after it murders our souls, and alas we are famished for an authentic keyboard with less distractions again. So, let's catch up. They say it comes in threes... Since our job change in 2017, we experienced three more moves, three additional job changes (that don't necessarily align with the moves), and three additional children.  2018-2022 were ver...

Side Note on Traditions

Many may know I've battled with family traditions, specifically Christmas ones for awhile now. I  don't fall in love with most traditions, especially those that are just for the sake of tradition and Mr Smith even more so. However, I do believe the scriptures make reference to righteous AND unrighteous traditions of their fathers, so we can filter for our own families. I only want our heart in it. I want our kids to enjoy time as a family and traditions are great for them.  With Christmas, I also need Christ in it. We are celebrating Him and that's why "happy holidays" makes me a little squeamish. So it's Hanukkah too and some Christians are beginning to wonder if it's best to celebrate with them vs the pagan roots of many Christmas traditions (or are they, it is debatable?!). I think there is a balance with no need to go to the extreme. While other cultures are fascinating, we do have to find a way to celebrate Christ. While our daily efforts are ess...

Breaking Silence for Religion

I've never been good at being concise. I like words too much. I think outloud. And I haven't had time to blog all these conversations & posts & mental thoughts and it's eating at me to write it all down, to get it out there. These are some words that no one understands anymore: love, tolerance, faith, forgiveness, covenants, judgment, respect, moderation, self-worth, humility, equality...at least if they say they do, I wouldn't believe them. In truth, I think we should be forever understanding what these words mean. Yet I hear people affirming over & over again in their actions & with their voice that they want to be right and they want you to know it & accept the choices they're making. So much for democracy & freedom. They might say "to each his own" but I'm not idealistic anymore, people don't really believe that.  I reference "the world" a lot. Let's clarify what I mean. We can start with Holly...

Managing Time

I haven't been good at managing my time. I've learned to lower my standards, but I'm afraid I get to lax & make TV too much the babysitter. I miss the pre-k activities I'd try to do with Lexi. I just get exhausted by the idea of planning something for all the kids. Our park excursions when they work out is the best I can do. I'm really trying to make a more concious effort to SEE my children & not just dismiss the odd things they get excited by & try to listen to Lexi's next greatest idea. I need to value her imagination; even if I just see a chaotic mess, she sees a beautiful party. It really doesn't take much to make them happy. And I've come to realize how much joy Lexi gets from making me laugh. Anytime I laugh at one of her sayings, it makes her happy. I still just stare at her realizing that she is growing up so fast; it's like I'm trying to soak her in. I even started noticing that sometimes she brings her lower jaw out over he...